perspective

I am coming to discover that perspective is everything. There are lots of cheesy cliches out there that talk about how its not as much what happens to you but how you choose to respond to it. Or how its not about the destination, but the journey. But I've also come to realize that the things that often sound the most cliche in life, have gotten that title because of the unrelenting truth found behind the cliche.

And so I say again, perspective is everything...well maybe not everything, but an awful lot. And it never hits me more than looking back at another year that declared itself the present, no sooner than to be stored in a photo book and placed on the shelves of our memories. Truth be told, years are nothing more than planet Earth taking another jaunt around the sun. But we of the people-kind seem to like the ideas of beginnings and ends. We love 2nd tries. We love new hope and an opportunity for a fresh tomorrow.

As I look back on 2009, I have the opportunity to choose. Do I choose a perspective that focuses on disappointments, unfinished goals and valiant thoughts that never made it outside of the walls of intentions? Because there were plenty. Or do I choose a perspective that attempts to see these past 365 earth rotations in light of a story so much bigger and grander than me and my accomplishments, failures, disappointments and trials?

So I reflect on the beautiful and redemptive growth that occurred over the past year. None of which had much to do with the hopeful resolutions that began the year (not that I remember any of them). Some of that growth includes:

*making my peace with the kitchen (thanks Food Network).

*staring my own materialism in the face and loosening my grip just a bit more (thanks banking account).

*developing new professional skills and knowledge (thanks job).

*discovering a depth of unconditional love for my son so great that it absolutely scares the bejesus out of me (thanks Lucas).

*uncovering a renewed heart for Christ and His church (thank you Jesus).

In many ways, 2010 has a lot to live up to. I have a feeling its (He's) up for the challenge:)

A year ago today...

Yes, I know I'm not actually posting this on 10/20/09. I started a post on that day and have been trying to figure out how to upload this video since. I finally figured it out!!

This is a tribute to my favorite little boy's 1st year of life and his mommy and daddy's first year figuring out parent-hood.

What an adventure and JOY he has been.

license to kill

The big bad infection needs to leave our little guy's ears once and for all.

It so rudely intruded for the first time about two weeks ago. We counter-attacked with a trip to the doc and bubblegum-flavored Amoxicilin. We thought the infection got the point. We're not interested in any of its kind around these parts.

(Note: And yes, I did try a very tiny lick of the Amoxicilin and yes I was instantly transported back to 4th grade, lying on my parents' couch, watching the "Empire Carpet" commercial).

But alas, for this particular infection, it was apparently going to take a little more than a tasty pink elixir to get our point across. This past Monday evening the infection welcomed itself back into our son's cute unknowing little ears. So Lucas and I headed to the ER Monday night with him spiking over a 103 degree fever.

(Note: Despite the little guy's uncomfortably high fever, Lucas was still eager to explore the entire waiting room by hand and knee.)

Well, we've got some more serious ammo now. No "sweet pink" potions this time around. This antibiotic means business. It aims to kill.

Be afraid little infection.

Be very afraid.

And Congratulations to the Neuhausels!!!

Another new member has entered Mark and my extended "friend family". Congratulations Kay and Dave. What a precious gift he is. And I must say, what an attractive little guy!! We hope to meet Cashian Beau SOONER than later!!! All our love to you guys:)

an ode to my little blue buddy

It was bound to happen...I'm sure its some kind of rite of passage into mommy-hood...Lucas broke our camera. It was this past Thursday. He was just passing it from one hand to the next and then he went for the mouth. At that moment, I swooped in and placed it on the counter where he can't reach it, along with the remote control, cell phones, cell phone chargers, lap top power cord, flower vase, two candle holders, six tealights, the coasters and his diaper ointment. Everything looked ok with it so I didn't think too much about it.

I have been trying to catch this utter and total cute-ness of Lucas' latest skill on video for weeks now. He can wave! He raises his hand high in the air and focuses oh-so-intently on watching his hand open and shut open and shut while a triumphant smile spreads across his face and his nose crinkles just so (I have no idea where he got that move from:). Actually, the other day we were on a walk and he offered each passerby on foot or in a car a friendly wave. So, yes, I've been trying to capture one of these sweet little moments on camera. But as soon as he hears the camera turn on, he goes straight for that small blue gadget and forgets all about the new trick. So now I have about 10 videos of me saying, "Lucas? Can you wave? Wave Lucas. Hi Lucas! Lucas! Hi!"

And nada.

So, this past Thursday he started waving again! And this time he was doing it on command! I grabbed the camera, went to turn it on, and it made the most horrendous scraping sound with beeps to follow. Tragedy. Since Lucas has been born this camera has been attached to me, fearful that I'll miss a moment that should never be missed. Or even afraid that I might miss a moment that may be fairly inconsequential to miss. So in a bit of a panic I made the brilliant decision that maybe it just needed a little muscle power to get the lens working appropriately again. Yeah, instead, I ripped off this shiny metal part on the end of the lens. Looks important to me.

I have a plan to take my camera to the camera doctor this Wednesday. And I'm gonna go ahead and think positive thoughts about the outcome. The camera doctor WON'T tell me that it would be more expensive to fix than to just buy a new camera! And he/she WILL be able to fix it right there on the spot and save my 10 videos of Lucas not waving!

c'mon little blue buddy! You don't understand. I need ya. You're not gonna let a little baby get the best of you are you!? You can pull through!

I'll keep you posted...

Congratulations Care-Care and Ben!!

My Roomie of 4 years and her hubby had a beautiful baby boy last Monday!!

Owen Marcel Wickstra.

I Can not WAIT to meet him! He's already a total cutie from the photos I've seen.

Congratulations to the two of you. Parenthood is truly amazing.

Love to all three of you.

Back from family vay-cay

Well, we're back from a delightful week of family vacation in Northern Wisconsin, at a place fondly known as Hunky Dory. And by "family vacation" I mean my immediate family and Mark's extended family on both his mom AND dad's side. Naturally, Lucas was loving the surplus of attention from Grandmas, Grandpas, Great-grandmas, a great-grandpa, aunts, an uncle, great aunts, great uncles, second cousins and family friends. He also got to spend some quality time with his second cousin who shares the exact same birthday as him. It was a great week. A bit chilly a few of the days, but great.

Lucas' first time in a lake. As we expected, he loved it.


A day in Stillwater, MN spent with the sissy, the sissy, mama, and hubby.

Lucas ringing the bell for dinner...yes, there's a bell for meals. I'm telling you, this place is magical.

This is Lucas' second cousin Hannah, whom he happens to share his birthday with. The newfound friendship was going great...until they discovered that they are mortal rivals (note sweatshirts). It was tough for them to accept.


An evening by the campfire.


Mark's immediate and extended family on his dad's side. They're a lively bunch:)


Four generations:)

So after posting a favorite dance from last week, I now feel a responsibility to YOU to expose more of the greatness of SYTYCD.

This one is powerful, emotional and awesome. The actual dance doesn't start till about a minute in, but the beginning shares the inspiration for the choreography.

FAVORITE DANCE OF THE WEEK

Today we had fun with our friends Miss Katie and Miss Sofia. In the event that they were to get married someday, all the pictures we've taken of the two of them so far will come in really handy.

What does it mean to be a little more true to yourself today?

Does it mean creating something that only you could create?

Does it mean letting go of a grudge?

Does it mean asking for forgiveness?

Does it mean stopping the unkind thoughts about a particular body part?

Does it mean letting go of clutter in a space? In your mind? In your heart?

Does it mean going on a search for beauty? adventure? mystery?

Does it mean finally being honest with yourself? or someone else?

This journey towards wholeness requires a great deal more honesty than any would dare to imagine. So dare. Dare to stop hiding behind the hurt, the anger, the fear, the boredom, the expected. Dare to walk towards the truth of who you are. Who you really are.

There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. Nations, cultures, arts, civilizations--these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub, and exploit--immortal horrors or everlasting splendours."

C.S. Lewis

The little boy suffered his first official baby bonk today. It was a fight between him and a kitchen table leg. I admire him for even getting in the ring. Poor little bug:(

Foster Kids update

Well, to update my previous post on Illinois' social services budget, a Court Order was made public that stated that funds could not be cut for foster children. It was literally ilegal. Essentially the idea is that, legally, the state of Illinois is these children's guardian and thus has the responsibility to care for these children's needs. So, the final budget has not been determined but it has been confirmed that funding will continue in all previous areas for foster kids. Good good news.

Doing this little blogging explosion has caused me to look back on some of my early posts. Its fun to read them and remember the thoughts and emotions that I was experiencing at the time. I remember the insecurity of starting a blog, wondering if people would read and sitting on the couch with Mark brainstorming ideas for the title. I remember the utter excitement and anticipation as we were getting ready to move to Denver. I remember the shock, fear and joy like I had never known when we found out we were pregnant. I remember where I was when I had the inspiration for a particular post or what the weather was like. Its fun:)

Its also been so interesting to witness my personal growth from reading earlier posts. As I was reading a couple of the posts I kept flinching reading the unkind words I wrote about myself. I had always been one quick to self-depricate. I felt the need to emphasize what a screw up I was. I felt like God wanted me to acknowledge what a mess up I was. I thought he was pleased over me lamenting my short-comings, my faults and my ugliness. It is a lesson that has been difficult but life-changing for me to learn. Thanks to a mentor in Denver and other interventions, I learned how to be more gentle with myself. I learned that procrastinating and wasting times sometimes doesn't mean I AM unproductive. I learned that even though there are times that I act irresponsibly, it doesn't mean I AM irresponsible. I learned that though I say careless things at times, it doesn't mean I AM careless. When I learned of the depth of my brokeness, it made the moments of mess-up a little less shocking and a little less monumental. I think (and hope) knowing the Lindsey today vs. the Lindsey of several years ago, you will find a Lindsey who is kinder in her words and thoughts towards herself.

Now, I'll admit all that I just wrote as if I have fully accomplished this way of viewing and loving myself. I haven't. In fact, the motivation of this post comes from waking up this morning and feeling a little crappy about myself for various reasons. But again I remind myself: Be gentle self. You are learning and growing. And God's grace and love are deeper than you could ever begin to imagine. Yes, you do things that are flawed and fall short but that is not who you are. It is never who you are. No need to depricate yourself. God loves you. And the truth in that statement, you will never truly know the depth and breadth.

Josiah and Lucas' 1st 4th:)

This is Lucas' good buddy Josiah. There were so many kodak moments today. Thanks to Rebekah (Josiah's mama and my friend:) for capturing a few! As you can see, they were a patriotic duo...

Now its no secret to most that I am a huge fan of the TV show "So You Think You Can Dance". Dance gives the viewer the permission to feel. I am allowed to enter into the beauty and intrigue of the music, the steps, the lighting, the costuming and the story. I believe that dance, like visual art, meets you where you are. It does not tell you what you are supposed to feel or think. It presents you with its art and allows you to explore.

So, yes, I love the show. For more reasons than those. Those reasons include its pretty, it makes me happy, Cat always looks cute, Mary Murphy's obnoxiousness has grown on me, in another life (with a different body) I was a dancer, and I get to meet new friends in the dancers...granted one-sided friendships but friends none-the-less. Usually I am a huge fan of the conteporary pieces. Mia Michaels, though harsh with the contestants at times, is an amazing choreographer. And I totally love the quirkyness and freshness of Sonya's choreography.

Thus, I was surprised when I witnessed my favorite dance of the season yesterday and it was--who would have guessed it--Hip Hop! Oh man, but it was sweet. Here it is for your viewing pleasure. I think the actual dance starts at around 2 min. 30 sec. You won't regret it...

BEST DANCE OF THE SEASON

"foster kids are our kids"

I went back to work today after a lovely extended weekend enjoying my dad's visit. Timbo heading back to Georgia equaled me heading back to work.

I had been hearing threats of budget cuts for Illinois' social services over the past month or so. In my life experience, threats rarely turn into reality so I didn't think too much about it. But with Illinois' new fiscal year starting today, the threats and talk turned into action. Some of those actions included cutting all reimbursements for daycare for foster children as well as no longer paying for counseling for these children and their parents. That means that foster parents are now expected to foot the bill for day care expenses. This is not possible for many families, meaning they are forced to give up children that may have at last found a stable home. These budget cuts also mean that these children (and their parents) who have experienced some extent of abuse and/or neglect are no longer given the opportunity to receive the help they so desparately need. I dare you to just begin to contemplate the far-reaching effects of these decisions. There is also talk of cutting foster parents' already meager monthly reimbursements by another 10-75%.

I don't claim to understand the inner-workings of Illinois' State Budget. However, I am able to recognize a total travesty when I hear it. Some who have been working in social services longer than myself, assure me that these budget cuts will be addressed and reversed shortly. Others are not as confident. It is shocking to me that my state has chosen to affect its children in such a tragic and seemingly heartless way. We are not talking about a controversial topic that splits the Left and the Right. We are talking about the well-being of the lives and futures of our children.

I don't really have in mind a resolution for this post. I guess I'm just asking for anyone reading this to please pray for our state and the legislators making these decisions concerning the budget. The decisions they're making affects the futures of over 16,000 children. I have no doubt that there are difficult decisions to be made. And they are in need of wisdom greater than their own in making these decisions.

A blog deferment

I SO don't feel like blogging today so I'm going to defer to someone else's blog.

"Can you do that?" you ask.

"Yes" I answer.

The writer of the blog I'm deferring to doesn't even know I exist. Its kind of a blog-crush really. Do you have any of those? I first discovered this inspiring woman and her beautiful family when I was reading the comments on Laura Van Ryn's parents' blog. The woman shared with Laura's parents that she understood the pain of losing a child. It made me curious of her story. After looking over her blog that day and reading through her tragic and inspiring story, I found myself revisiting her blog day after day to see what she had been up to or what she had to say. Its been three years now and I still find myself seeing what Jody Ferlaak has to say from time to time.

So, allow me to grace you with her daily life and story via her blog. For today, enjoy a post or two from Nitty Gritty. If you have a little more time, read her story entitled "Losing Teagen-A Story of Tragedy, Forgiveness & Hope".

Who knows, maybe after writing this blog I'll conjure up the courage to introduce myself...

More fun with Grandpa Tim

Today we hit up the Shedd Aquarium. Loved those dolphins and balugas...

dogs and babies

My dad's dog, Duchess, has been around here for the past few days. During that time I have been struck by how many similarities there are between Duchess and Lucas:

*They both drool excessively

*The both get attention from others when out in public (although I was shocked--and somewhat perturbed to discover that Duchess got far more attention than Lucas at the French Market).

*They both get the word "No!" yelled at them on a regular basis.

They both induce the same sort of dorky baby talk from all of their admirers.

They are both fun to cuddle.

They both respond to their name and a handful of other words.

They both spend the whole of their existence sleeping and playing.

Both can be taken outside and played with for entertainment.

There are however some significant differences. These are items that one also may want to take into account in determining which species is right for them at their current stage of life:

*Sadly, if Duchess is lucky she will see 15 years of age. Lucas' life expectancy is a bit longer.

*When Duchess was 8 mos. old, she was walking, running, swimming, playing fetch and feeding herself. Lucas has done none of these things consistently nor successfully.

*Duchesses shots average about $100 a year plus the cost of food. The average college tuition in the 2008-2009 school year was $15,864.

Just a few observations over the past couple of days.

the helmet

With any goal there are obstacles that get in one's way which he/she must overcome. Some of the obstacles I have been forced to overcome thus far include uncooperative internet and good old fashion laziness. You are probably getting a better feel for how New Years resolutions tend to work out for me. But hey, despite a few set backs, I continue forward...

It has been great having my dad in town. Despite going 6 months to a year between visits, we always seem to pick up right where we left off. Here are a few photos from today's bike ride. Lucas' first ride ever! He loved it, especially the helmet...oh wait that was me who loved the helmet:)

Are you kidding me? As if his head wasn't large enough in proportion to his body. The similarities are uncanny:

Dad is always a good time:)

A little quality Grandpa/Lucas time.

And one more just for kicks.