San Francisco!!
Lake Tahoe!!
and Yosemite National Park!!!
We are so freaking pumped!! Only 6 months to go. West Coast here we come!!!
Wednesday, October 03, 2007
Springbreak vacation BOOKED!
The last time Mark and I were on a bonafide vacation was, well, our honeymoon. Thanks to my parents who had a timeshare they weren't using, we've now got a springbreak trip planned to...
San Francisco!!
Lake Tahoe!!
and Yosemite National Park!!!
We are so freaking pumped!! Only 6 months to go. West Coast here we come!!!
San Francisco!!
Lake Tahoe!!
and Yosemite National Park!!!
We are so freaking pumped!! Only 6 months to go. West Coast here we come!!!
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
addiction
Well I am officially INTO the counseling program. My life and time is FILLED with self-reflection. Between my mentor, my therapist, my supervisor, and my spiritual formation group, Denver Seminary is not gonna let me out of here the same. It was fun at first but at times can be just plain exhausting.
One of the classes I'm taking right now is called "Addictions." Basically it just addresses counseling individuals dealing with addictions. The class has been really really good so far. Part of the class entails weekly journaling about what we are reading or the lectures or whatever else we've been thinking about...yes, more self-reflection. I wanted to share one journal entry...
I've never experienced the addictiveness of drugs or alcohol and yet, this past Friday, when my husband and I were sitting at a middle eastern restaurant I found myself connecting with the unwelcomed alcoholic making a scene, more so than the middle-aged couple sitting next to us. As I watched the man staggering, with his eyes glazed over, talking too loudly, I felt a piece of me getting kicked out of that restaurant as the manager escorted him to the door with threats of calling the police. It was really weird. I was sitting there, watching this man, shamed, disgraced, and making a scene in the restaurant. After he left, I looked down at my food with this moment of odd realization that I am one of the respected paying customers and not the “loser addict”. I needed grace at that moment. A lot of it. A helping bigger than the falafel on the plate in front of me. I could hear the name calling and snickering at the tables around me and found my own face turning red. Throughout life there have been seasons, some short, some long, where I have been entrapped by my own addictions, many too personal to share here. They consumed my thoughts and my heart at various times. I felt trapped. Imprisoned. There are journals sitting in a closet, filled with my prayers to God to release me, to make this day a new day, to make me different.
As I write this, I feel like I would normally feel proud of my exceptional empathy and the heart I had for this man. But see, that’s not really what it was. That’s not really what I was feeling. Through that man, I was experiencing my own shame, exposure, and vulnerability. I felt deserving of the same callous and harsh treatment from the manager as he was receiving. But I don’t receive it. Why? Because I go to work and class sober, dress well, shower regularly, and say and do socially appropriate things. My addictions aren’t as evident to the world and therefore I am treated with dignity and respect.
Its funny. Every person in that restaurant had vices and/or some kind of addiction that they’ve probably been trying to kick for months, years, maybe even decades. But this man was chosen to take upon himself our shame and disgrace on Friday. Anything to take the attention off of ourselves and our own shame. And as an added bonus, everyone got to feel a little better about themselves for not being a drunk and a beggar. Well, at least not on Friday.
One of the classes I'm taking right now is called "Addictions." Basically it just addresses counseling individuals dealing with addictions. The class has been really really good so far. Part of the class entails weekly journaling about what we are reading or the lectures or whatever else we've been thinking about...yes, more self-reflection. I wanted to share one journal entry...
I've never experienced the addictiveness of drugs or alcohol and yet, this past Friday, when my husband and I were sitting at a middle eastern restaurant I found myself connecting with the unwelcomed alcoholic making a scene, more so than the middle-aged couple sitting next to us. As I watched the man staggering, with his eyes glazed over, talking too loudly, I felt a piece of me getting kicked out of that restaurant as the manager escorted him to the door with threats of calling the police. It was really weird. I was sitting there, watching this man, shamed, disgraced, and making a scene in the restaurant. After he left, I looked down at my food with this moment of odd realization that I am one of the respected paying customers and not the “loser addict”. I needed grace at that moment. A lot of it. A helping bigger than the falafel on the plate in front of me. I could hear the name calling and snickering at the tables around me and found my own face turning red. Throughout life there have been seasons, some short, some long, where I have been entrapped by my own addictions, many too personal to share here. They consumed my thoughts and my heart at various times. I felt trapped. Imprisoned. There are journals sitting in a closet, filled with my prayers to God to release me, to make this day a new day, to make me different.
As I write this, I feel like I would normally feel proud of my exceptional empathy and the heart I had for this man. But see, that’s not really what it was. That’s not really what I was feeling. Through that man, I was experiencing my own shame, exposure, and vulnerability. I felt deserving of the same callous and harsh treatment from the manager as he was receiving. But I don’t receive it. Why? Because I go to work and class sober, dress well, shower regularly, and say and do socially appropriate things. My addictions aren’t as evident to the world and therefore I am treated with dignity and respect.
Its funny. Every person in that restaurant had vices and/or some kind of addiction that they’ve probably been trying to kick for months, years, maybe even decades. But this man was chosen to take upon himself our shame and disgrace on Friday. Anything to take the attention off of ourselves and our own shame. And as an added bonus, everyone got to feel a little better about themselves for not being a drunk and a beggar. Well, at least not on Friday.
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