an ode to the messiness

The other day I was in the car driving from my office to a church to help out at the nursery for one of CareNet's ministries. I was eating a four cheese lean pocket that I had just nuked in the microwave for 2 minutes. I burned my hand on it because I tried to take it out of its little sleeve too fast and then I wrapped it in a paper towel to take with me in the car. The cheese was falling out all over the paper towel and I swore in my head (but not out loud of course) because I had just scorched my tongue on my overheated mushy dinner. I couldn’t help but start laughing to myself remembering how I had once determined for myself that once I was living on my own I would eat all these healthy meals, stock tons of fresh fruits and veggies in my freezer and easily get the 9-11 suggested servings a day. Isn’t that so classic though? Life is just plain messy. I always have these great plans for myself. “Once a little time passes, I will have my life in order.” Friends will be easy to keep in touch with, working out will be no problem to fit into my daily routine, my schedule will slow down…and there will be world peace. And then the older I get, a ripe old 24 (on the brink of being too old to apply for ANTM…I should probably get on that), the more I realize that a “life in order” is nothing more than a mirage. And I can say that (for the most part) I am glad that it’s the truth. The messy moments of life, the unexplainable events, the inconvenient twists and turns, taking care of aging parents right after all the kids move out, the oopsie babies (don’t worry this is not an attempt at some grand scheme to announce anything), the homeless guy hanging out in the posh strip mall, the family argument that interrupts Thanksgiving dinner, always reminds me that life is so much bigger than me and that I am not the one in control. No question it can be scary and the reason that I said I am glad of that truth “for the most part” is because of the many unexpected situations I have heard of and read about where there is very little beauty to be found and the messiness can leave me paralyzed and dumbfounded. But to my even greater amazement, there are stories of joy and redemption within the unexplicable pain and suffering. And I am reminded that there is a good GOOD God who is still at work and He is taking the messiness and the ugliness and creating beauty and wholeness slowly but surely, as only a Holy and Righteous God could. I remember a quote that my friend Kim Lura had on like a notebook or something in college and it said something like, "If God was small enough to be understood, He wouldn't be big enough to be worshipped." That's pretty cool.