a sliding glass door

13 and a half months

2011-11-30T13:54:00.002-07:00

Ok, back at it. Its been 13 and a half months since my last blog, which annoys and frustrates the heck out of me but, hey, at least it hasn't been 14 months!

I had plans to put "start blogging again" on my New Years resolution list. But then I thought, "wait a minute, I'm enjoying this season of life a pretty darn lot and I want to document it, dang it!" So here I am. No resolutions. No promises. Just going for it.

So, let's see, 13 and a half months. I feel like I need to catch the cyberworld up on the Meyers comings and goings over the last year + 1 1/2 month....

Late December: found out we were pregnant!

January: Some unkind nausea (like I never had with Lucas).

Early February: Announced it to the grandparents.

Late February: Interviewed for an Adoption Counselor position at ECFA

Early March: Went by myself to visit my dear friend Monica in Lima, Peru.

Late March: Its a girl!

Early April: I'm offered the adoption position!

Mid April: Mark gets an offer from his old boss to work for him as an Associate after graduation...we're gonna think about it...

Late May: Mark graduates!! Graduation party at our place to follow.

Early June: Mark accepts the job in Denver

Late June: Mark lives with friends in Denver for 5 weeks while working part-time and studying for the BAR exam. I put in my notice at work.

Early July: Hunky Dory!

Late July: Mark signs a lease on a house in Denver. I have my last day at ECFA. Mark takes the BAR exam. Mark returns to IL. We pack up. Mom throws me a baby shower.

Early August: We move to Denver.

All of August: Unpack and get ready for baby girl.

September 5th: Riese Adele Meyers makes her appearance 2 days before her due date. She's beautiful in every way.

Mid September: My mom and then Mark's mom and sis visit to help out and meet baby girl.

September thru current: Mark and I get used to this phenomenon of parenting more than one kid.

Mid October: Mark passed the BAR!!!!

October 20th: Lucas turns 3! Rocket ship b-day party. The only way to celebrate a 3 year old boy.

Early November: Me and the kiddos visit family in IL.

Mid November: Mark gets sworn in and is officially an Attorney!

November 24th: Celebrate Thanksgiving with our friends The Neuhausels.

And that pretty much brings you up to speed. Now, when I say this, don't get me wrong because the past year has been filled with joys and blessings...BUT...I would not wish that much change and transition in such a short period of time (see late May thru Late September) on my worst enemy.

We've survived and recovered. Although I may be experiencing the slightest bit of PTSD symptoms after writing this post. So that should do it for today.

Happy 2nd Birthday Big Boy!

2010-10-20T20:24:00.008-06:00

How 2 years have come and gone, I'll never know. But they have! And we had a wonderful time celebrating the little man and his two full journeys around the sun!

Check out the fabulous cake Aunt Carol made for the shin-dig. A work of art!

It didn't take long at all for lucas to grasp the concept of opening his prezzies.

The little conductors sporting their party favors.

Chugga Chugga Choo Choo! Lucas Turns 2!

Lucas enjoying some cuddles from his cousin Lydia:)

And we had so much fun at the first party, we just had to do it again with the Dekalb crowd!:

We love you sweet boy.

still moments

2010-09-18T06:10:00.004-06:00

Just about every night since Lucas was born I have quietly snuck into his room to check on him before calling it a night myself. I’m sure my mom friends can relate. I just love watching him in that peaceful state...especially after days filled with furniture jumping, word jabbering, door slamming, swing flying, stair climbing, playground running and snack requesting:) At the end of the day, there is something just so truly remarkable about the face of a sleeping little one. So still. So utterly peaceful. With his smooth skin, round cheeks and long eyelashes. It always reminds me of the sweet innocence and vulnerability of my little man.

I can’t help these days but to think about how big he has gotten. I remember so vividly gazing at my little infant boy over the side of his cradle, so tiny and swaddled so tightly in his snuggly blanket. And now, I gaze at him in his “big boy bed” with his Thomas bedspread pulled high up around his neck, looking much too much like a little boy. In those quiet moments in his dimly lit room, I try to soak up that moment as if no other moment has ever existed and no other ever will. I remind myself that when he is grown and gone, with a family of his own, and his love of Thomas only a sweet but distant memory, this little boy, with his pale plump skin and tossled hair will forever be a part of the very tapestry of my soul.

"Blogger"

2010-09-06T15:28:00.004-06:00

Its been a while. Its been a long long while. I have missed blogging. I have discovered in the past that when I get in the habit of regularly blogging it affects the way I process the world. Blogging means choosing to hold onto those fleeting thoughts that endlessly pass through mine and everyone's mind, for just a few seconds longer--to hold the thought captive, to turn it around, then the other way. The thought is tasted, perhaps chewed, and if I'm really lucky, even digested. And before I know it, I find myself more rooted in my thoughts and a bit more alive.

To make a practice of this means leaving margins in my life Allowing for pauses in the mind's seemingly unending babble relating to plans, responsibilities, obligations and entertainment. It means leaving margins for longer than just enough time to fit in a few REM cycles before the babble begins again in the morning.

And with that said, I'm back. Determined to leave more margins in my life. Determined to allow space in my day for such digestion of thoughts. No time like they present they say. Thus, I would like to reclaim my title as "Blogger" once more.

Lucas' 1st ocean experience

2010-02-10T07:41:00.004-07:00

Lucas at the ocean from Lindsey Meyers on Vimeo.

While visiting Grandpa Tim in January, we made a trip to St. Augustine where Lucas laid eyes on the ocean for the first time! It wasn't a sunscreen and sand castle kinda day, but it was memorable none-the-less. Thanks for a great trip Grandpa Tim!

perspective

2009-12-31T06:43:00.003-07:00

I am coming to discover that perspective is everything. There are lots of cheesy cliches out there that talk about how its not as much what happens to you but how you choose to respond to it. Or how its not about the destination, but the journey. But I've also come to realize that the things that often sound the most cliche in life, have gotten that title because of the unrelenting truth found behind the cliche.

And so I say again, perspective is everything...well maybe not everything, but an awful lot. And it never hits me more than looking back at another year that declared itself the present, no sooner than to be stored in a photo book and placed on the shelves of our memories. Truth be told, years are nothing more than planet Earth taking another jaunt around the sun. But we of the people-kind seem to like the ideas of beginnings and ends. We love 2nd tries. We love new hope and an opportunity for a fresh tomorrow.

As I look back on 2009, I have the opportunity to choose. Do I choose a perspective that focuses on disappointments, unfinished goals and valiant thoughts that never made it outside of the walls of intentions? Because there were plenty. Or do I choose a perspective that attempts to see these past 365 earth rotations in light of a story so much bigger and grander than me and my accomplishments, failures, disappointments and trials?

So I reflect on the beautiful and redemptive growth that occurred over the past year. None of which had much to do with the hopeful resolutions that began the year (not that I remember any of them). Some of that growth includes:

*making my peace with the kitchen (thanks Food Network).

*staring my own materialism in the face and loosening my grip just a bit more (thanks banking account).

*developing new professional skills and knowledge (thanks job).

*discovering a depth of unconditional love for my son so great that it absolutely scares the bejesus out of me (thanks Lucas).

*uncovering a renewed heart for Christ and His church (thank you Jesus).

In many ways, 2010 has a lot to live up to. I have a feeling its (He's) up for the challenge:)

A year ago today...

2009-10-20T20:30:00.004-06:00

Yes, I know I'm not actually posting this on 10/20/09. I started a post on that day and have been trying to figure out how to upload this video since. I finally figured it out!!

This is a tribute to my favorite little boy's 1st year of life and his mommy and daddy's first year figuring out parent-hood.

What an adventure and JOY he has been.

license to kill

2009-08-27T22:00:00.008-06:00

The big bad infection needs to leave our little guy's ears once and for all.

It so rudely intruded for the first time about two weeks ago. We counter-attacked with a trip to the doc and bubblegum-flavored Amoxicilin. We thought the infection got the point. We're not interested in any of its kind around these parts.

(Note: And yes, I did try a very tiny lick of the Amoxicilin and yes I was instantly transported back to 4th grade, lying on my parents' couch, watching the "Empire Carpet" commercial).

But alas, for this particular infection, it was apparently going to take a little more than a tasty pink elixir to get our point across. This past Monday evening the infection welcomed itself back into our son's cute unknowing little ears. So Lucas and I headed to the ER Monday night with him spiking over a 103 degree fever.

(Note: Despite the little guy's uncomfortably high fever, Lucas was still eager to explore the entire waiting room by hand and knee.)

Well, we've got some more serious ammo now. No "sweet pink" potions this time around. This antibiotic means business. It aims to kill.

Be afraid little infection.

Be very afraid.

And Congratulations to the Neuhausels!!!

2009-08-27T21:54:00.002-06:00

Another new member has entered Mark and my extended "friend family". Congratulations Kay and Dave. What a precious gift he is. And I must say, what an attractive little guy!! We hope to meet Cashian Beau SOONER than later!!! All our love to you guys:)

an ode to my little blue buddy

2009-08-08T20:50:00.003-06:00

It was bound to happen...I'm sure its some kind of rite of passage into mommy-hood...Lucas broke our camera. It was this past Thursday. He was just passing it from one hand to the next and then he went for the mouth. At that moment, I swooped in and placed it on the counter where he can't reach it, along with the remote control, cell phones, cell phone chargers, lap top power cord, flower vase, two candle holders, six tealights, the coasters and his diaper ointment. Everything looked ok with it so I didn't think too much about it.

I have been trying to catch this utter and total cute-ness of Lucas' latest skill on video for weeks now. He can wave! He raises his hand high in the air and focuses oh-so-intently on watching his hand open and shut open and shut while a triumphant smile spreads across his face and his nose crinkles just so (I have no idea where he got that move from:). Actually, the other day we were on a walk and he offered each passerby on foot or in a car a friendly wave. So, yes, I've been trying to capture one of these sweet little moments on camera. But as soon as he hears the camera turn on, he goes straight for that small blue gadget and forgets all about the new trick. So now I have about 10 videos of me saying, "Lucas? Can you wave? Wave Lucas. Hi Lucas! Lucas! Hi!"

And nada.

So, this past Thursday he started waving again! And this time he was doing it on command! I grabbed the camera, went to turn it on, and it made the most horrendous scraping sound with beeps to follow. Tragedy. Since Lucas has been born this camera has been attached to me, fearful that I'll miss a moment that should never be missed. Or even afraid that I might miss a moment that may be fairly inconsequential to miss. So in a bit of a panic I made the brilliant decision that maybe it just needed a little muscle power to get the lens working appropriately again. Yeah, instead, I ripped off this shiny metal part on the end of the lens. Looks important to me.

I have a plan to take my camera to the camera doctor this Wednesday. And I'm gonna go ahead and think positive thoughts about the outcome. The camera doctor WON'T tell me that it would be more expensive to fix than to just buy a new camera! And he/she WILL be able to fix it right there on the spot and save my 10 videos of Lucas not waving!

c'mon little blue buddy! You don't understand. I need ya. You're not gonna let a little baby get the best of you are you!? You can pull through!

I'll keep you posted...

Congratulations Care-Care and Ben!!

2009-07-20T21:33:00.004-06:00

My Roomie of 4 years and her hubby had a beautiful baby boy last Monday!!

Owen Marcel Wickstra.

I Can not WAIT to meet him! He's already a total cutie from the photos I've seen.

Congratulations to the two of you. Parenthood is truly amazing.

Love to all three of you.

Back from family vay-cay

2009-07-20T20:42:00.010-06:00

Well, we're back from a delightful week of family vacation in Northern Wisconsin, at a place fondly known as Hunky Dory. And by "family vacation" I mean my immediate family and Mark's extended family on both his mom AND dad's side. Naturally, Lucas was loving the surplus of attention from Grandmas, Grandpas, Great-grandmas, a great-grandpa, aunts, an uncle, great aunts, great uncles, second cousins and family friends. He also got to spend some quality time with his second cousin who shares the exact same birthday as him. It was a great week. A bit chilly a few of the days, but great.

Lucas' first time in a lake. As we expected, he loved it.

A day in Stillwater, MN spent with the sissy, the sissy, mama, and hubby.

Lucas ringing the bell for dinner...yes, there's a bell for meals. I'm telling you, this place is magical.

This is Lucas' second cousin Hannah, whom he happens to share his birthday with. The newfound friendship was going great...until they discovered that they are mortal rivals (note sweatshirts). It was tough for them to accept.

An evening by the campfire.

Mark's immediate and extended family on his dad's side. They're a lively bunch:)

Four generations:)

2009-07-09T21:38:00.004-06:00

So after posting a favorite dance from last week, I now feel a responsibility to YOU to expose more of the greatness of SYTYCD.

This one is powerful, emotional and awesome. The actual dance doesn't start till about a minute in, but the beginning shares the inspiration for the choreography.

FAVORITE DANCE OF THE WEEK

2009-07-09T17:04:00.003-06:00

Today we had fun with our friends Miss Katie and Miss Sofia. In the event that they were to get married someday, all the pictures we've taken of the two of them so far will come in really handy.

2009-07-08T21:36:00.004-06:00

What does it mean to be a little more true to yourself today?

Does it mean creating something that only you could create?

Does it mean letting go of a grudge?

Does it mean asking for forgiveness?

Does it mean stopping the unkind thoughts about a particular body part?

Does it mean letting go of clutter in a space? In your mind? In your heart?

Does it mean going on a search for beauty? adventure? mystery?

Does it mean finally being honest with yourself? or someone else?

This journey towards wholeness requires a great deal more honesty than any would dare to imagine. So dare. Dare to stop hiding behind the hurt, the anger, the fear, the boredom, the expected. Dare to walk towards the truth of who you are. Who you really are.

There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. Nations, cultures, arts, civilizations--these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub, and exploit--immortal horrors or everlasting splendours."

C.S. Lewis

2009-07-07T06:14:00.007-06:00

The little boy suffered his first official baby bonk today. It was a fight between him and a kitchen table leg. I admire him for even getting in the ring. Poor little bug:(

Foster Kids update

2009-07-06T21:18:00.003-06:00

Well, to update my previous post on Illinois' social services budget, a Court Order was made public that stated that funds could not be cut for foster children. It was literally ilegal. Essentially the idea is that, legally, the state of Illinois is these children's guardian and thus has the responsibility to care for these children's needs. So, the final budget has not been determined but it has been confirmed that funding will continue in all previous areas for foster kids. Good good news.

2009-07-05T08:21:00.003-06:00

Doing this little blogging explosion has caused me to look back on some of my early posts. Its fun to read them and remember the thoughts and emotions that I was experiencing at the time. I remember the insecurity of starting a blog, wondering if people would read and sitting on the couch with Mark brainstorming ideas for the title. I remember the utter excitement and anticipation as we were getting ready to move to Denver. I remember the shock, fear and joy like I had never known when we found out we were pregnant. I remember where I was when I had the inspiration for a particular post or what the weather was like. Its fun:)

Its also been so interesting to witness my personal growth from reading earlier posts. As I was reading a couple of the posts I kept flinching reading the unkind words I wrote about myself. I had always been one quick to self-depricate. I felt the need to emphasize what a screw up I was. I felt like God wanted me to acknowledge what a mess up I was. I thought he was pleased over me lamenting my short-comings, my faults and my ugliness. It is a lesson that has been difficult but life-changing for me to learn. Thanks to a mentor in Denver and other interventions, I learned how to be more gentle with myself. I learned that procrastinating and wasting times sometimes doesn't mean I AM unproductive. I learned that even though there are times that I act irresponsibly, it doesn't mean I AM irresponsible. I learned that though I say careless things at times, it doesn't mean I AM careless. When I learned of the depth of my brokeness, it made the moments of mess-up a little less shocking and a little less monumental. I think (and hope) knowing the Lindsey today vs. the Lindsey of several years ago, you will find a Lindsey who is kinder in her words and thoughts towards herself.

Now, I'll admit all that I just wrote as if I have fully accomplished this way of viewing and loving myself. I haven't. In fact, the motivation of this post comes from waking up this morning and feeling a little crappy about myself for various reasons. But again I remind myself: Be gentle self. You are learning and growing. And God's grace and love are deeper than you could ever begin to imagine. Yes, you do things that are flawed and fall short but that is not who you are. It is never who you are. No need to depricate yourself. God loves you. And the truth in that statement, you will never truly know the depth and breadth.

Josiah and Lucas' 1st 4th:)

2009-07-04T22:42:00.007-06:00

This is Lucas' good buddy Josiah. There were so many kodak moments today. Thanks to Rebekah (Josiah's mama and my friend:) for capturing a few! As you can see, they were a patriotic duo...

2009-07-02T21:46:00.008-06:00

Now its no secret to most that I am a huge fan of the TV show "So You Think You Can Dance". Dance gives the viewer the permission to feel. I am allowed to enter into the beauty and intrigue of the music, the steps, the lighting, the costuming and the story. I believe that dance, like visual art, meets you where you are. It does not tell you what you are supposed to feel or think. It presents you with its art and allows you to explore.

So, yes, I love the show. For more reasons than those. Those reasons include its pretty, it makes me happy, Cat always looks cute, Mary Murphy's obnoxiousness has grown on me, in another life (with a different body) I was a dancer, and I get to meet new friends in the dancers...granted one-sided friendships but friends none-the-less. Usually I am a huge fan of the conteporary pieces. Mia Michaels, though harsh with the contestants at times, is an amazing choreographer. And I totally love the quirkyness and freshness of Sonya's choreography.

Thus, I was surprised when I witnessed my favorite dance of the season yesterday and it was--who would have guessed it--Hip Hop! Oh man, but it was sweet. Here it is for your viewing pleasure. I think the actual dance starts at around 2 min. 30 sec. You won't regret it...

BEST DANCE OF THE SEASON

"foster kids are our kids"

2009-07-01T20:09:00.003-06:00

I went back to work today after a lovely extended weekend enjoying my dad's visit. Timbo heading back to Georgia equaled me heading back to work.

I had been hearing threats of budget cuts for Illinois' social services over the past month or so. In my life experience, threats rarely turn into reality so I didn't think too much about it. But with Illinois' new fiscal year starting today, the threats and talk turned into action. Some of those actions included cutting all reimbursements for daycare for foster children as well as no longer paying for counseling for these children and their parents. That means that foster parents are now expected to foot the bill for day care expenses. This is not possible for many families, meaning they are forced to give up children that may have at last found a stable home. These budget cuts also mean that these children (and their parents) who have experienced some extent of abuse and/or neglect are no longer given the opportunity to receive the help they so desparately need. I dare you to just begin to contemplate the far-reaching effects of these decisions. There is also talk of cutting foster parents' already meager monthly reimbursements by another 10-75%.

I don't claim to understand the inner-workings of Illinois' State Budget. However, I am able to recognize a total travesty when I hear it. Some who have been working in social services longer than myself, assure me that these budget cuts will be addressed and reversed shortly. Others are not as confident. It is shocking to me that my state has chosen to affect its children in such a tragic and seemingly heartless way. We are not talking about a controversial topic that splits the Left and the Right. We are talking about the well-being of the lives and futures of our children.

I don't really have in mind a resolution for this post. I guess I'm just asking for anyone reading this to please pray for our state and the legislators making these decisions concerning the budget. The decisions they're making affects the futures of over 16,000 children. I have no doubt that there are difficult decisions to be made. And they are in need of wisdom greater than their own in making these decisions.

A blog deferment

2009-06-30T21:22:00.007-06:00

I SO don't feel like blogging today so I'm going to defer to someone else's blog.

"Can you do that?" you ask.

"Yes" I answer.

The writer of the blog I'm deferring to doesn't even know I exist. Its kind of a blog-crush really. Do you have any of those? I first discovered this inspiring woman and her beautiful family when I was reading the comments on Laura Van Ryn's parents' blog. The woman shared with Laura's parents that she understood the pain of losing a child. It made me curious of her story. After looking over her blog that day and reading through her tragic and inspiring story, I found myself revisiting her blog day after day to see what she had been up to or what she had to say. Its been three years now and I still find myself seeing what Jody Ferlaak has to say from time to time.

So, allow me to grace you with her daily life and story via her blog. For today, enjoy a post or two from Nitty Gritty. If you have a little more time, read her story entitled "Losing Teagen-A Story of Tragedy, Forgiveness & Hope".

Who knows, maybe after writing this blog I'll conjure up the courage to introduce myself...

More fun with Grandpa Tim

2009-06-29T21:21:00.003-06:00

Today we hit up the Shedd Aquarium. Loved those dolphins and balugas...

dogs and babies

2009-06-28T17:17:00.006-06:00

My dad's dog, Duchess, has been around here for the past few days. During that time I have been struck by how many similarities there are between Duchess and Lucas:

*They both drool excessively

*The both get attention from others when out in public (although I was shocked--and somewhat perturbed to discover that Duchess got far more attention than Lucas at the French Market).

*They both get the word "No!" yelled at them on a regular basis.

They both induce the same sort of dorky baby talk from all of their admirers.

They are both fun to cuddle.

They both respond to their name and a handful of other words.

They both spend the whole of their existence sleeping and playing.

Both can be taken outside and played with for entertainment.

There are however some significant differences. These are items that one also may want to take into account in determining which species is right for them at their current stage of life:

*Sadly, if Duchess is lucky she will see 15 years of age. Lucas' life expectancy is a bit longer.

*When Duchess was 8 mos. old, she was walking, running, swimming, playing fetch and feeding herself. Lucas has done none of these things consistently nor successfully.

*Duchesses shots average about $100 a year plus the cost of food. The average college tuition in the 2008-2009 school year was $15,864.

Just a few observations over the past couple of days.

the helmet

2009-06-28T16:38:00.007-06:00

With any goal there are obstacles that get in one's way which he/she must overcome. Some of the obstacles I have been forced to overcome thus far include uncooperative internet and good old fashion laziness. You are probably getting a better feel for how New Years resolutions tend to work out for me. But hey, despite a few set backs, I continue forward...

It has been great having my dad in town. Despite going 6 months to a year between visits, we always seem to pick up right where we left off. Here are a few photos from today's bike ride. Lucas' first ride ever! He loved it, especially the helmet...oh wait that was me who loved the helmet:)

Are you kidding me? As if his head wasn't large enough in proportion to his body. The similarities are uncanny:

Dad is always a good time:)

A little quality Grandpa/Lucas time.

And one more just for kicks.

Low and High

2009-06-26T21:40:00.003-06:00

One of the summers I worked at Springhill Camp, the staff had this tradition of going around the table at dinner and sharing their "low point" and their "high point" for the day. It was a chance to vent about the annoying and express gratefulness for the good. So...

Today's low: Trying to unload a grocery cart at the checkout of a busy Walmart while holding a cranky baby who refuses to let me put him down but also insists on weighing 24 lbs and being ridiculously squirmy.

Today's high: Enjoying a delightfully cool evening in the backyard with my dad (he just got in town this afternoon), Mark, Lucas and Duchess (dad's black lab)--while watching the last two mentioned individuals get acquainted:) I think they're buddies now.

a question for you

2009-06-25T13:50:00.004-06:00

For a few months now I have been reading about and researching a bit about eating organically--or "ethically" as the strong proponents call it. I'm pretty convinced of the benefits (although the 20 oz. diet coke I just downed might suggest differently). So with this topic in mind, I wanted to pick your brain with a question:

Do you think it is possible (and practical) to eat organically AND affordably? If yes, how??? If no, which do you think should be the priority--organic eating or thrifty grocery shopping and why?

I know many of you have been contemplating some similar issues and I'd love to hear your thoughts/suggestions/ideas.

Dallas, feel free to ask the experts...

2009-06-23T20:28:00.005-06:00

Well, today is the first day in my little 30 day challenge in which I am struggling for inspiration to blog. So what was my first move? What any modern-day, internet-savvy individual would do. Naturally, I googled "topics to blog about". This took me to "24 Things to Do When Stuck for a Topic to Blog About"

I'll admit that this is a pretty common (and extremely lazy) method that I have chosen when I find myself tired of thinking. I kid you not, I have googled things like "What should I get Marky for our first Valentine's Day?" "What should I name my son?" "I think my baby is crying too much. How do I make him stop?" and "How do I help my client with Schizoaffective Disorder?"

Scary huh?

While Google may not be the proper venue through which to find that perfect gift for a new boyfriend or to create a treatment plan for a client, it has assisted in this blog.

And so for that, I thank you Google in all your colorful and holiday-themed glory. You have brought me one day closer to my goal.

And who knows, maybe tomorrow I'll even have the energy to try one of the suggestions of things to do when stuck for a topic. But then again, just maybe the inspiration will return...

beautiful boy

2009-06-22T20:51:00.014-06:00

Close your eyes
Have no fear
The monster's gone
He's on the run and your daddy's here
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy

Before you go to sleep
Say a little prayer
Every day in every way
It's getting better and better

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy

Out on the ocean sailing away
I can hardly wait
To see you come of age
But I guess we'll both just have to be patient
' Cause it's a long way to go
A hard row to hoe
Yes it's a long way to go
But in the meantime

Before you cross the street
Take my hand
Life is what happens to you
While you're busy making other plans

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy

Finding Summer

2009-06-22T07:30:00.008-06:00

I don't remember who wrote it or where I read it, but it stuck with me...This woman was sharing how when summer begins to show itself, she will wake up on a Saturday morning and declare to her husband, "Let's go find summer today." Despite my Scandinavian roots, I'm not a big fan of the cold. When I'm outside and its cold, its like someone made the record skip. All that's running through my head is "Its cold--Its cold--Its cold."
Someone declares, "Just look at those mountains!"
Outwardly I delcare, "beautiful!!"
but inwardly: "Its cold."
"Isn't this fresh air amazing?"
Outwardly: "Amazing."
Inwardly, the record continues: "Its cold."

And then comes summer, with its easy skirt, t-shirt and flip-flop dressing, its lazy sunny afternoons outside, its sun-kissed shoulders, its farmers markets filled with fresh produce, its bike rides, its lakes and pools and so much more. Now the thing is, its not always easy to find summer. Especially when summer vacations are a thing of the past.

This past weekend, Mark and I drove up to Door County for a little "us time" to celebrate 4 years together as hubby and wife. I am happy to say, we found summer. A hike along the bluffs, standing ankle-deep in the water and letting the waves lap against our legs, laying in the sand, ice cream along the lake, wine-tasting, dinner outside watching the sunset. Yes, we found summer. It was great to see that old and faithful friend.

Here's the proof:

4 years

2009-06-19T06:27:00.002-06:00

revival and diversity

2009-06-18T20:16:00.005-06:00

I begin this post with two precursors: 1) I fully and whole-heartedly believe Jesus when He said that He is the way, the truth and the life. 2) I am utterly and totally grateful for the culture I grew up in...ok, with those things in mind, you can keep reading:)

I was praying with a group of people a while back and found myself flinching when someone started praying for revival for their city. I found this a strange reaction for me to have. What is it about the term "revival" that caused something inside of me to feel so unsettled?

I thought about what "revival" means to me. Sadly, the first vision that comes to mind is a beautiful Indian woman replacing her colorful traditional clothing and shimmering jewelry for jeans and a Christian t-shirt. Obviously this is no where near the essence of revival but its honestly where my mind went.

When I think about revival, I don't envision transformation, I envision conformation. I envision an expectation that everyone become as close to a white, middle-class evangelical as possible. I envision conforming to a culture where you are expected to know phrases and acronyms like "BSF", "EV Free", "Contemporary Service", "Prayer of Jabez" and "popcorn prayer".

I am so grateful for the beautiful cultures and the diversity that fill this world. I love seeing various forms of magnificent and unique clothing. I love tasting foods that reveal flavors you never knew existed. I love the ornateness of a Hindu temple. I love the mystery of a woman covered in tattoos. And the sultry moves of a latino couple dancing. The amazing diversity in this world is such a testament to me of God's grandness and his utter creativity.

Revival does not mean conformation to any one specific culture. If it did, I believe that God would want nothing to do with it. Rather, revival equals transformation. It equals Christ entering into each beautiful and unique culture and redeeming it in a respectful and powerful way. Now that's something I can most definitely get behind. And with that vision in mind, I pray for revival.

Evidence

2009-06-16T19:34:00.005-06:00

You ask for evidence watson, you get evidence.
Note the date in the left hand corner. That makes it legit.

I work for DCFS

2009-06-16T06:24:00.002-06:00

I work for DCFS.

For many, that conjures up all sorts of negative images. There’s the stories of the mom who spanks her kid in the grocery store and DCFS comes to investigate. Or on the other extreme, there are the stories of children experiencing abuse but its not “bad enough” or there are no visible marks so the kids stay in their abusive homes. Then there’s the foster mom who takes in eight kids just for the cash. When you hear “DCFS”, you might envision over-worked, under-paid, burnt out workers who just don’t care anymore. Tragically there is some truth to all of these stereotypes.

However, as I’m becoming more acquainted with the system, I am enthralled with the “ideal”. In a perfect world and a perfect system, the intentions of DCFS are beautiful, good, and dare-I-say-it, Christ-like. The big word in child welfare in Illinois is “reunification”. The goal of child welfare is to take the child out of the home for as short a period of time as possible so mom and/or dad can get their stuff together and then parent and child can be “reunified”.

There are lots of beautiful words out there and I would like to add that one to the list. Christ is all about reunification. Christ experienced suffering and death so that we might be reunified to the Father. And as we walk through this life, we become closer to reunification with who we were before the fall of humankind. Unification is at the center of God’s heart. He is in unity with the three persons within himself and longs for this oneness for and with us. For our marriages, our relationships, our cities, our churches, our world. There was a time, a short time, when unity was the way of life. And all of history has been a journey back to that place, back to reunification.

In its perfect state, “the system” has such potential. It is intended to care for and protect children and to provide families to come along side and assist in the redemption of other families, using the tools of kindness and dignity. I’m not sure where along the line things got screwed up. But I am here to say that the system works. Not in its fullness or all of the time. But in individual families and individual lives, redemption and reunification are happening. And I am convinced that if His spirit and heart is present in DCFS, He is weaving His goodness and hope into all of the broken systems of the world.

a happy father's day

2009-06-15T20:41:00.005-06:00

This past Saturday we celebrated an early Father's Day in the city since we'll be out of town next weekend. We ended up also getting to spend the day with Dallas, Callie and Jon. It ended up being a pretty great day.

Lucas hanging out with the big kids at the Children's Museum at Navy Pier.

Callie and Lucas making very cute bugs.

Jon and Lucas chillin' on the couch...note also that this photo was taken PRE-Callie and I beating Mark and Jon at two games in a row of Sequence. You can tell by his hopeful smile.

Mom and Lucas at Goose Island Brew Pub. I dare you to find another 8 mos. old who has been to as many breweries and brew pubs as this guy.

Its hard to tell in this photo, but dad and Lucas are sporting coordinating father's day t-shirts.

It has been an absolute pleasure watching Mark grow into this new role of "dad". He is a completely loving, quirky, sensitive and kind dad. Happy Father's Day Hubby!
We love you.

I'd like to use a lifeline

2009-06-14T19:57:00.002-06:00

So in my effort towards 30 posts, I have decided to provide myself with 2 "lifelines" for days that I just can't get around to posting (like yesterday).

#1 The first lifeline is "the pill" lifeline. If you've ever been on "the pill" and missed a day, they just tell you to double up the next day. I will be doing the same.

#2 The second lifeline is "the snow day" lifeline. Remember when you were in grade school and found out that you had to have an extra day of school at the end of the year because of a snow day earlier in the year? Yep, same idea.

In regards to my missing post yesterday, I'd like to use lifeline #2.

Thanks.

Yes, I laid in bed thinking about this last night.

mommy low point

2009-06-12T20:30:00.001-06:00

So, last Monday I had one of those moments where I had to repeat to myself "I'm not a terrible mother" over and over again. But it wasn't working.

So let me paint the picture. Its 7:56am on a Monday morning. I was supposed to have left by 7:30am. But since I never set an alarm anymore (thanks to "the lucas alarm") and Lucas decided to sleep in until 7:30am today, I was extremely extremely late. Granted, not the first time I've been late, but that subject is for another post. So I've got Lucas, I've got my coffee, purse, file thingy for work, lunch, and I'm off down the road. Frick! Cellphone. I turn the car around. Pull into the driveway. Throw it into park. Run into the house. Grab the phone. Run back out.

Oh my gosh, the car is locked.

Yes, with Lucas still inside. I ran in frantic. "Mark! I locked Lucas in the car!" My first thought was to determine which window to break. But as we assessed the situation further, we determined that Lucas was in no immediate danger so we decided to call our road-side-assistance people instead (although I did make a mental note of which window I would break if ever needed in the future). I was a little stressed at first but Lucas thought it was a fun game as we popped in and out of sight at the window next to him. But after a while, the laughter turned into a fuss, which quickly turned into hysterical crying. I am pretty sure that the neighbors passing by could deduct exactly what was going on as they witness these two frantic parents jumping around, holding stuffed animals and toys up to the window of a running car.

So, as Lucas became more hysterical, so did I. It was unbearable really, watching him cry and look at me with these helpless eyes. And i could do nothing for him.

Well, alas, after an hour of waiting (why it took an entire hour is a story I will not go into), Lucas was rescued by a very nice man from Sycamore with two children of his own. He assured us that this happens to everyone.

Sure, we'll go with that.

So, there you go. Let Lucas' list of reasons for needing therapy when he's 30 begin.

Sorry little bug:(

2009-06-11T20:44:00.005-06:00

Three weekends ago our friends Jon and Callie were here. At the time, Lucas was what I called "a strategic roller". He would see where he wanted to go and then pivot himself and roll until he got there. All the while making adjustments in his angles along the way. Quite impressive. Well, we were all watching him and saying, "In just a few weeks I bet he'll be crawling."

Well, now, not only is he crawling, he's also pulling himself up to standing and carefully walking around the furniture. His favorite place in the house to be now is 2" from the TV screen. Preferrably with the TV on. Don't worry all you moms out there, we quickly direct him elsewhere.

It is simply unbelievable how quickly these little people change.

This is what I was greeted with when I came into his room this morning. i will admit that it takes a little bit of the sting out of being drug out of bed well before I'm ready.

Day 1

2009-06-10T22:05:00.001-06:00

I love to write. I feel most connected with myself when I'm writing. The things that are important to me become important again. And the things that are unimportant to me go back to being unimportant. Because of this, I have decided to blog everyday for the next 30 days. So today through July 9th. Most days' posts will probably be as boring as dirt but the goals are documentation and cultivation. Documenting more of our life and cultivating growth in something I enjoy doing.

a belated happy mother's day:)

2009-05-23T14:26:00.013-06:00

I had no idea how much Mother's Day would mean to me this year. I've only been in the business now for a little over seven months but it has changed me in ways that I could not begin to explain. In many ways, I'm the same old Lindsey: I like my naps, get major kicks out of great conversations, and have this thing for "So You Think You Can Dance".

But in so many ways, I will never be the same. I think the most profound change is this deep and ever-present vulnerability now in my life. The love is different with a spouse than with a child. I don't feel responsible for Mark's safety, growth and well-being. But with Lucas, I'm just so vulnerable. When watching the news and hearing of someone who was killed or hurt, I immediately begin wondering where that person's mother is and what she is feeling right now. I believe that one of the blessings and curses of motherhood is that every mom, forever has this place of utter and total weakness inside of her. Its like Superman's kryptonite. When it comes to my Lucas, I'm weak. Please don't mess with my son. Because if you do, I feel like my heart just might break into a hundred pieces.

Mother's Day was nice. I have never been one of those people who reminds her friends that her birthday is in another week, or wears the "Its my Birthday" pin. I tend to take the more under-stated approach. But when it came to Mother's Day, I felt fully accepting of the celebration:) I mean over the last year I have carried a frickin' huge child in my uterus, birthed that same frickin' huge child, gone months without more than 3 hours of sleep at a time, been peed on, pooped on, and thrown up on; and somehow come out of the whole thing thinking "yeah, I'd do this again". And the truth of it is, I'm sure-as-heck not the only one. Every mom out there represents a woman filled with sleepless nights and a love that reaches a depth that can bring her to her knees. I feel the need to say however, I don't pretend to have experienced all that there is to experience in motherhood. I've just barely gotten out of the gates of this lifelong journey.

So to all you moms out there, keep up the good work. You deserve a whole heck of a lot of celebration.

And to the rest of you, maybe take a sec today (and tomorrow too) to celebrate the woman who has played the role of mother in your life. She sure does love you a lot.

Here are some photos that we took at the park on Mother's Day.

If you're wondering what pure joy looks like, put a baby in a baby swing and push...

sleepy boy after a long day

the first day of the rest of my life

2009-04-23T23:27:00.005-06:00

For reasons unknown to me, today was the first day that I can think of that I wasn't waiting for my life to start.

You know how it seems that with every stage of life, you're anticipating the next? I think the first time I remember feeling this was as a 6th grader venturing into the Jr. High wing of my school. There, the girls wore make-up, fixed their hair, played on sports teams, showered in the locker room, and went to the 7th/8th grade banquet. THAT was when life was going to begin. I couldn't wait. But after being there a few weeks I discovered I was still as insecure as I was 3 months ago and even with the make-up I wasn't getting the attention from boys I was hoping for. So I determined that it was high school that I needed...that was the ticket. I walked into high school my first day and my life felt like it officially began...for about three seconds, until I saw my first upper-classman and felt about 7 years old again. That's what I needed to wait for, the official "upper-classman" title...no wait...Senior Year...wait, or is it College? Hmmm, no, once I graduate and get a job, THEN my life will finally begin...oh nope, its marriage...hmmm, marriage? no maybe grad school, that sounds pretty grown up. But then again I'm in class writing papers again. I bet a baby would do it, THAT would probably allow my life to begin. Nope, turns out it just allows the baby's life to begin. dang. No, once I graduate and have a job within my field or maybe once Mark's graduated and we have a real income or have bought a house or have multiple kids. That sounds really freaking grown up.

Well, we still have only one kid, I'm still finishing school, Mark's not even close to being done, and we're broke.

But for some reason, today, and maybe just for today, I felt like I was allowed to live my life and didn't need to wait for it to start. Maybe it was waking up and going through the same routine that I've been going through for the past several months, or perhaps it was getting in my car and seeing a carseat in the backseat...WITH a baby in it...and not just any baby, MY BABY! Or maybe it was because of sitting in a supervision session with a bunch of professionals in the counseling field (I am way out of my league there).

But I don't know that it was any of these things as much as it was allowing myself a moment to stop, breath, and be totally and utterly grateful for exactly where I am and who I'm with. Yes, of course I'm talking about Mark and Lucas but I'm also talking about the handful or so of friendships that have stood the test of time and I can confidently and with peace saturating my heart, say, we will truly be friends for the rest of our lives in this world and the next. I feel blessed today. I feel grateful. Tomorrow is so uncertain and that uncertainy is never going to go away. And I think I'm coming to grips with the truth that--that uncertainty is ok. And being ok allows me the freedom to live exactly the life set before me. right now. today.

winter in the country

2009-01-29T19:02:00.007-07:00

Three activities consume my days as of late:

*Taking care of and loving on Lucas
*My new job at ECFA
*Getting to and from my new job at ECFA

Traveling in rural Illinois in the winter is a masochistic activity like I have never known. As a child I used to love pumping my fist at truckers as they passed by, and listening to the low bellow of the truck horn that would cause the hairs on the back of my neck to rise. These days I find myself wanting to offer the truckers I meet on the road, a different hand gesture.

Allow me to paint a picture: I'm driving along a one lane (each way) rural road listening to Regina Spektor for the 436th time because I keep forgetting to grab a different CD from home. A truck approaches going the opposite direction. Following the truck is a sandstorm of snow that literally reduces visibility to zero for several seconds. I hold my breath, allow my life to flash before my eyes for the fourth time this morning, swear under my breath, wait for the death trap to pass, and continue on my way. All the while slipping and sliding along.

I believe that I owe my current existence to more than just the "Trinity", perhaps more of a "Quadrity" of sorts. There's the Father, Son, Holy Spirit, and, of course, four wheel drive. To each of you I am eternally grateful for being alive today. And to the first three, remind me again...why rural Illinois?

savoring

2009-01-11T08:06:00.004-07:00

I'm finding that being a parent is this constant dichotomous existence. After every nap he appears changed, older, more alert. I look forward to him sleeping through the night, holding his own bottle, sitting up, crawling, walking, talking, being able to put his pacifier back in his mouth and get potty trained. And yet I pack up the clothes that no longer fit him with a sense of loss. I can't bring myself to move his cradle, which he's already grown out of, out of our room. It represents the end of a season. He no longer fits comfortably on my chest for nap time. He's lost that newborn cry and moved on to the full-bodied baby cry.

Life never stays the same. A day ended is another day never to return. It sounds depressing right? Mark and I just went to see "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button". It is primarily a love story. And as life moves backwards for Benjamin and forwards for Daisy, they have a few fleeting years together when they meet in the middle of both of their lives. A constant theme in the movie is "nothing ever stays the same." I wonder why God chose to make life move so quickly? Its interesting how we as humans are always shocked at how quickly a season of life moves. "They grow up so fast." "How did I get to be this old?" These are such frequently used phrases and questions and yet we continue to be surprised. We continue to wonder where the time went as if we thought this maybe this season, time would slow down for us. But alas, it doesn't. In case you think I'm sounding a bit like Solomon of Ecclesiastes, perhaps I am. But this awareness leaves me with only one conclusion.

Savor life.

Cherish it.

Each day for what it is.

For the good and the bad. As the future turns to the present and quickly to the past, love the present most. Regardless of its short life-span. For it is the only sure moment that God has given us.

A break in the silence

2008-12-23T06:29:00.003-07:00

Question: Who would have thought that as soon as we had the baby I wouldn't have time or energy to post for the next 2 whole months!?

Answer: Anyone who has ever experienced the joy, adventure, and sleep-deprivation of welcoming a new baby into the world.

Well, as all of you already know, Lucas Alexander has arrived!! He was born on October 20th, 2008, weighing a hearty 9 lbs. 10 oz. and measuring 21.5 inches. He was perfect in every way! Save the floppy ears which fixed themselves after about 12 hours post delivery. The labor and delivery was rough but manageable. Although I can't say I'm ready to jump back on that wagon again anytime too soon.

So there's the quick and easy about the birth part. Since then Lucas has quickly morphed from a sleepy and perfect newborn to a cranky and wide-eyed infant and now to a cooing, active, inquisitive, chunky baby. We are enamored with him!! He has just recently gotten to the age where every single day he does something new and amazing. I hear this stage lasts till their about...oh say 10 y/o.

Things I can tell you about Lucas at this point are he's an extravert, he likes to be held when he sleeps, he loves his jungle play gym--specifically Mr. Giraffe, and he finds his own fist to be just about the coolest thing he's seen this side of the belly.

I could go on and on about how filled with love and awe Mark and I have felt over the past months but it all just seems to be lacking and left wanting. We are in love:)

In addition to Little Lu Lu making his appearance (yes, its a rough nickname that we did not anticipate) we have had lots of visitors eager to meet the newest and coolest Meyers family member. One weekend in November some of my nearest and dearest friends came to visit. They came from all around including IL, MI, KY, CO, and Peru. It was a simply amazing weekend filled with feasting, football, and doting. Thank you again guys. Jon, next time don't forget your fall sweater.

Thank you to everyone who has been supportive through visits, meals, phone calls, texts, and gifts over the past months. It has been really fantastic. And its fun to share our excitement over our new little man with all of you.

So, that's all I've got for now. Not profound but a break in the two month silence none-the-less.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year everyone!!! As we have watched how Lucas' life has brought a sense of renewal and redemption to our lives over the past year, we are extra thrilled and grateful this Christmas for the redemption another baby brought to every individual in this broken down world throughout all of history. He has brought hope--powerful, life-changing, life-giving HOPE.

in this moment

2008-10-15T20:21:00.004-06:00

Well, its the day after my due date. The infamous "4th trimester". I feel like I am living in this inexplicable surreal state outside of the normal space-time continuum. Every moment is filled with this knowledge and anticipation that it could be Mark and my last of life as we have always known it. I saw the Dr. yesterday and if this little guy doesn't come on his own, we're going in to the hospital this coming Monday morning to "encourage" him out--5am. So this time next week, we will be the proud proud (and a bit frazzled) parents of a beautiful baby boy. wow. I am a little giddy and a little scared thinking about all that day and the coming weeks and months will hold. How do I begin to process the emotion, love, pain, and exhaustion like I have never known that is ahead of me?

Any ideas or suggestions of how Mark and I should spend next Sunday (also known as the last day before the first day of the rest of our lives)? Then again, the little man may decide he wants to come this evening and I won't have to answer that question...the anticipation continues...

Thank you for all your prayers and phone calls. It has been seriously amazing. Mark and I have been reminded of God's goodness through the incredible relationships with which He has filled our lives. Just feeling a bit sentimental these days:)

A few statistics from the past week...

2008-10-01T18:55:00.003-06:00

1.5
The number of pounds I gained in one week

2
The number of babies a woman in Walmart asked me if I was having

3
The number of episodes of "A Baby Story" I watched today

3
The number of episodes of "A Baby Story" I regretted watching today

4
The number of extremities kicking/punching my ribs and hip bones

5
The number of times I woke up to go to the bathroom last night

13
The number of days until my due date

20
The number of minutes I can comfortably sit in the same seat

hello, goodbye

2008-09-26T07:22:00.004-06:00

As I sit in our new home, windows open to a humid cool night, crickets chirping, the slice of the ceiling fan creating a welcome breeze against my constantly overheated body, I am left speechless again; on the brink of such a life changing event. As the baby inside attempts to get comfortable in his tiny cocoon, he reminds me that he is quickly outgrowing his current home, eager to soon be introduced to life on the other side of the womb. That home has been good to him. It has kept him safe, nourished, warm and cared for. But he can't stay there. There will be a great loss and an even greater gain as he departs. There is so much more for him than he could even attempt to imagine on the other side.

I am relating recently so much to the sadness and beauty of transition. Here we are in a new home, in a new community, anticipating the care of a new little life. I tearfully say goodbye (again) to living in close proximity to friends who know me, quiet evenings with Mark making a decision on a whim to go out, and mindless Saturday roadtrips. I say goodbye to the time in life when my own well-being and concerns are number one. And goodbye to a sweet, simple and lovely family of two.

But with every goodye there is a hello or two to be had. And so I say hello to a whole new community of people whose worth and value are great enough to inspire Christ's saving grace. I say hello to a life without classes and papers. And I say an especially splendid greeting to an awe-inspiring new life of whom Mark and I have been asked for which to care. "Hello" to a new depth of sacrificial love discovered within my soul that I could not have imagined. I say hello once again to the depth of Christ's kindness as He carries me through this journey allowing me to flourish into more of me than I have ever been before. The future is a bit scary and quite uncertain. But neither Mark, baby, me, or you can stay where we are. We must move forward. Closer to wholeness. Closer to Christ's heart. And so we move.

'tis the season to have a baby

2008-09-10T07:42:00.002-06:00

With the freshness of Fall in the air, there's no question about it. I'm having a baby soon. I remember back in February when we first saw that little heart-stopping pink line on the pee stick. After the initial shock-joy-elation-shock-fear-shock, I went online to one of the thousand highly reliable baby websites and checked my due date.

October.

Fall. My favorite season. Fall is infused with memories of the anticipation of going back to school with those great new sweaters and cords, carving pumpkins, intramural football, baking pies, seasonal decorating, lazy sunday afternoons with the dull hum of football announcers in the background. Yes, it was a long summer indeed. With anxiety and worries about jobs, school, finances, and living situation at every turn (and I mean EVERY turn)it is a season that I'm sure I will look back on in 15 years with fond memories of how "we had to look to God for our strength" and "Mark and I had to lean on each other for support." But for the next 14 years and 364 days I think I will just be ranting about how much it sucked. Seriously, it sucked. Minus some good memories made with family that is.

But the summer is over now. My favorite j. crew jacket is out and working miracles once again even with my limited and sad maternity wardrobe. I love that jacket. Pumpkins and halloween candy are being sold at the grocery store. And this year, all these signs mean one thing...its just about time to have a baby. 5 weeks to go. The thought of caring for a human life is both invigorating and utterly and completely terrifying. 'Tis the season. The child birthing classes have been had, the move has been made, my back has been unrelentingly aching and my belly looks like something out of a sci-fi movie. Yep, its just about that time...

Things that weigh 5 lbs.

2008-08-21T06:51:00.010-06:00

*A bag of flour

*A full grown chihuahua

*A pair of work boots

*A half gallon of paint

*The largest Bluegill ever recorded

*A 5 lb. dumbell

*Baby Boy Meyers at 32 weeks

a zen experience

2008-07-24T07:39:00.005-06:00

So as the day draws nearer the anticipation gets...well...weirder and weirder. I'm considering injecting Ritalin directly into the umbilical cord because this guy loves to party. Any time of day will do. He's a big fan (or hates) action movies. But I'm fairly certain that his jumping jacks and summersaults during "The Dark Knight" were a sign of his superior movie taste. The new game is not just "feel the baby move" its "figure out which body part is protruding out of my abdomen this time". My only warning when playing this game is look out for that soft spot! So with all the movement and growing going on I just want him to get here (minus the fact that I am currently baby equipment-less). But then there's like this impending dark knowledge of the phrase that causes my knees to weaken and my mouth to go dry: Child birth. Here are just a few of the things that I have been told or read about the blessed event:

*"Giving birth requires as much physical energy and stamina as running a marathon"...perfect.
*"Oh honey, just get the epidural and save yourself the misery."...thank you.
*"Some women experience a great deal of pain as the baby's body scrapes against her pubic bone."...now that puts nails on a chalk board to shame.
*"I had every intention of going natural until I heard a blood curdling scream from the room next to me. It was the sound of a person that knew they were dying." oh-my-gosh.

I've had a total of zero birthing classes at this point in my existence and thus find myself attempting to breathe with the mothers-to-be while watching movies like "Knocked Up" and "Baby Mama". Is it he he hoo? Or hoo hoo he? Frick. Not to worry right? Birthing 101 starts Aug 2nd and goes thru Aug 26th. So, little man, if you can hear me, don't even THINK about coming before then.

Thanks to celebritynewsgossip.com, I have a new inspiration for my birthing experience!! Here's what Jessica Alba had to say about her recent delivery of Honor Marie:

***Jessica Alba compares childbirth to meditation. Actress Jessica Alba who recently gave birth to daughter Honor Marie Warren on June 7, 2008, said it was like meditating because it was a quiet, peaceful experience for her. I'm guessing plenty of mothers would disagree with that statement. "I didn’t scream. It was really like Zen. The labor was more like meditation," Jessica tells OK! "I did yoga breathing. I was focused. I ate a lot of soul food before she was born."
Jessica Alaba, 27, who married Cash Warren in Los Angeles, California on Monday, May 19, 2008, was completely composed her husband said.
"She didn't make a sound. [during the delivery] It was amazing," he gushed.***

Wow, I love how they really think they're fooling someone. Are you freaking kidding me!?!? Well congratulations to you Jessica, and your Zen experience. I have no doubt that the next 18 years will be equally as meditative and peaceful for you.

May update

2008-06-04T16:28:00.003-06:00

In the words and wit of Barb Watson after seeing this photo: TWINS!!

Did you hear that!? Yep, that was the sound of my belly “popping”. I am officially looking pregnant and, quite frankly, loving it:) It’s the first time since I was about 7 years old that I’m not attempting to “suck in” but rather get a weird sort of pleasure in pushing it out!

The last month has been filled with some sweet growth markers. About three weeks ago I started feeling “quickening”. No, that’s not just a more pleasant word for constipation, it’s the gentle fluttery feeling of the moving baby. They were especially noticeable right before I went to bed at night. As I would lie there in bed hoping for just one more little movement, I couldn’t help but feel this intense and intimate bond with my baby as I realized that we were the only two people in the whole world sharing this experience, through the common vessel of my body.

Well, that was only three weeks ago. And since then, baby has moved from light flutters to bonafide kicks and punches. Its incredible! And what’s so cool about this time is that Mark gets in on the fun too! Baby Ziggy was tossing and turning for Mark the other night. You know how boys are always trying to show off for their dads…oops…that’s right!! It’s a boy!! The reality is that most that read this already knew that, via the modern day phenomenon known as Facebook. But I’ll pretend like someone just found out at this moment. I had a feeling it was gonna be a boy. Mother’s intuition served me well!! The same mother’s intuition that will come through for me when the little guy swears he didn’t eat the last piece of cake or when he insists that he already studied for his math test or when he has no clue where the dent in the bumper of the car came from.

Obviously, we would have been totally thrilled no matter the gender (remember the “just looking for A gender” thing?) but knowing has just made the whole thing that much more…real. Its like he’s no longer just Baby Ziggy. He’s our son. So with finding out the gender the name game has not only begun but is in unharnessed, unbridled forward motion. Being the dweller that I am, I can’t stop thinking about it!! We’ve narrowed it down to a few and we think we’re going to wait till the little man makes his appearance and see what he inspires.

So, to our future little Jacob/Omar/Jonah/David/Juan/Demitri/Nile, keep growing and come soon!! We’re all so excited to meet you!!

No, none of those names are in the running, especially not Omar.

When you come back down

2008-05-01T07:57:00.005-06:00

This song has touched my heart at various times in my life for various reasons. As of late, it has taken on a whole new meaning for me. A parent speaking to a child. I pray that I would be granted the courage to grant my children with this loving freedom to pursue their dreams and become who God has created them to be. And nothing less...I envision that this task is the most beautiful and painful that a parent is ever called to fulfill. "When you're soarin' through the air, I'll be your solid ground. Take every chance you dare, I'll still be there when you come back down."

(Click on the post's title to hear the song and see the music video)

When You Come Back Down by Nickel Creek
You got to leave me now, you got to go alone
You got to chase a dream, one that's all your own
Before it slips away
When you're flyin' high, take my heart along
I'll be the harmony to every lonely song
That you learn to play

When you're soarin' through the air
I'll be your solid ground
Take every chance you dare
I'll still be there
When you come back down
When you come back down

I'll keep lookin' up, awaitin' your return
My greatest fear will be that you will crash and burn
And I won't feel your fire
I'll be the other hand that always holds the line
Connectin' in between your sweet heart and mine
I'm strung out on that wire

And I'll be on the other end, To hear you when you call
Angel, you were born to fly, If you get too high
I'll catch you when you fall
I'll catch you when you fall

[Bridge:]
Your memory's the sunshine every new day brings
I know the sky is calling
Angel, let me help you with your wings

When you're soarin' through the air
I'll be your solid ground
Take every chance you dare

I'll still be there
When you come back down
Take every chance you dare,
I'll still be there
When you come back down
When you come back down

2008-04-23T17:20:00.003-06:00

According to an extremely reliable source known as google image, here is a photo of a 15 week old fetus. There's Zigs!! Just to give you an idea.

Well, the new stage of pregnancy entails the small period of time between the depressing “pregnancy chub” and the lovely and much coveted “pregnancy bump”. Its like I no longer feel like I’m just gaining weight in my mid section because its starting to round itself out and take on the vague form of a pregnant belly. But, I’m definitely not at the point where strangers would be coming up and asking me when I’m due. If anyone dared to ask a girl looking like I do right now when she’s due, 9.5 out of 10 times her response would involve violence or tears, and most likely a combination of the two. But I am prego!! I’m one of the .5 girls that would LOVE for a perfect stranger to come up and ask me when I’m due. Instead, I just wear the fitted shirts proudly, assuming that most just look at me and reflect on how they haven’t been to the gym recently either. But for me, its this mark of beauty and pride. My body is doing what its supposed to be doing! And its looking pretty cute doing it in the mean time if I do say so myself!!

So, that’s me.

I had another Dr.’s appointment yesterday. All went well. Today I am 15 weeks and 1 day. This was the first appointment Mark wasn’t at because we knew It was going to be really routine and definitely no monumental occurrences…but oh that heartbeat. I got to hear it again. It will send even emotional rocks like myself into the state of a blubbering fool.*(see asterik below) What is it about a heartbeat that is so powerful?? I guess the obvious answer is its’ signification of life. But its not just life in the physical sense, it’s the signification of a future, of memories, of sweet bedtime rituals and splashy bath time traditions. It’s a wonderment at the good gifts with which God fills our lives. And for what reason other than the joy and pleasure he receives in pleasing his children. Gosh, that heartbeat.

Just five more weeks and the much anticipated ultrasound will occur where we’ll find out the gender. I’m really just not so concerned about whether its a boy or a girl. Really! Just rooting for A gender. You know, just one or the other. That’s all I’m looking for. I digress (severely). So on that note, thank you to a bunch of you that are super supportive and excited right along with Mark and me. Its fun sharing the journey with you☺

*The reason that is funny is because my emotional state as of late exhibits no characteristics remotely like that of a rock.

The Blog formerly known as "A Sliding Glass Door"...

2008-04-02T17:36:00.002-06:00

..Has been revamped with new vision!! Namely, the vision of a tiny little fetus that is growing day by day into what will someday (roughly around the 14th of October) be a BABY!!!

Its something worth writing about, thinking about, dreaming about, smiling about.

For a rough update, Baby Ziggy (his/her "en utero" name) is 12 weeks and 2 day old. We have a 6 week old ultrasound of the little guy where the only thing confirmed was that the baby is at serious risk of inheriting his dad's huge head. At 11 weeks we got to hear Ziggy's heartbeat. Hard to express in words all that that single moment held. Ziggy is now about 2.5 inches long (about the size of a plum) and working hard consuming nutrients all day long, leaving me with hunger pains about every hour and a half.

Seriously, its nuts.

We are also proud to say that our baby is officially tail-less. Its a good feeling to know that I will in fact give birth to a human in another 6 months. Wow, 6 months. Lots to do, probably even more to feel. Feelings as of late have included ecstasy, peace, doubt, fear, anxiety, joy, and anticipation. For some reason I thought I would have life a little more figured out before bringing a child into the world and passing on my values to him/her. Well, I guess we still have 6 months. Wow, 6 months...

We will definitely keep everyone updated throughout the coming months...but for now I am going to go focus on refraining from that third bagel and cream cheese of the day.

Just need to get it out there in cyberspace

2008-01-09T19:23:00.000-07:00

I thought "I Am Legend" was a powerful powerful movie. It is filled with beautiful metaphors that humbled me and filled my heart with gratitude in the end. I'm not going to say any more than that because I don't want to give anything away. But I do recommend seeing it. Yes its suspenseful but I'm a wuss when it comes to scary movies and I could handle it so I'm sure you can too. If you see it, and are inspired as well, let me know and we'll chat.

Springbreak vacation BOOKED!

2007-10-03T06:57:00.000-06:00

The last time Mark and I were on a bonafide vacation was, well, our honeymoon. Thanks to my parents who had a timeshare they weren't using, we've now got a springbreak trip planned to...

San Francisco!!

Lake Tahoe!!

and Yosemite National Park!!!

We are so freaking pumped!! Only 6 months to go. West Coast here we come!!!

addiction

2007-10-02T21:52:00.000-06:00

Well I am officially INTO the counseling program. My life and time is FILLED with self-reflection. Between my mentor, my therapist, my supervisor, and my spiritual formation group, Denver Seminary is not gonna let me out of here the same. It was fun at first but at times can be just plain exhausting.

One of the classes I'm taking right now is called "Addictions." Basically it just addresses counseling individuals dealing with addictions. The class has been really really good so far. Part of the class entails weekly journaling about what we are reading or the lectures or whatever else we've been thinking about...yes, more self-reflection. I wanted to share one journal entry...

I've never experienced the addictiveness of drugs or alcohol and yet, this past Friday, when my husband and I were sitting at a middle eastern restaurant I found myself connecting with the unwelcomed alcoholic making a scene, more so than the middle-aged couple sitting next to us. As I watched the man staggering, with his eyes glazed over, talking too loudly, I felt a piece of me getting kicked out of that restaurant as the manager escorted him to the door with threats of calling the police. It was really weird. I was sitting there, watching this man, shamed, disgraced, and making a scene in the restaurant. After he left, I looked down at my food with this moment of odd realization that I am one of the respected paying customers and not the “loser addict”. I needed grace at that moment. A lot of it. A helping bigger than the falafel on the plate in front of me. I could hear the name calling and snickering at the tables around me and found my own face turning red. Throughout life there have been seasons, some short, some long, where I have been entrapped by my own addictions, many too personal to share here. They consumed my thoughts and my heart at various times. I felt trapped. Imprisoned. There are journals sitting in a closet, filled with my prayers to God to release me, to make this day a new day, to make me different.

As I write this, I feel like I would normally feel proud of my exceptional empathy and the heart I had for this man. But see, that’s not really what it was. That’s not really what I was feeling. Through that man, I was experiencing my own shame, exposure, and vulnerability. I felt deserving of the same callous and harsh treatment from the manager as he was receiving. But I don’t receive it. Why? Because I go to work and class sober, dress well, shower regularly, and say and do socially appropriate things. My addictions aren’t as evident to the world and therefore I am treated with dignity and respect.
Its funny. Every person in that restaurant had vices and/or some kind of addiction that they’ve probably been trying to kick for months, years, maybe even decades. But this man was chosen to take upon himself our shame and disgrace on Friday. Anything to take the attention off of ourselves and our own shame. And as an added bonus, everyone got to feel a little better about themselves for not being a drunk and a beggar. Well, at least not on Friday.

out of my league

2007-06-07T21:51:00.000-06:00

Here's a pic of the little guy.

Today was the first full day that I nannied for my new little family. Elise is 3, Sophia is 1 1/2, and Gavin is 4 months old (shown above at 5 months). There have been a lot of anxieties churning in my head over the past week in anticipation of my first day with such young kids.

What if I don't know enough about babies?
What if, half way through the day, I realize I've only got two with me?
What if the baby never gets used to me?
What if...while Elise is washing her hands, I hear Sophia choking on her hot dog, to get there just in time to hear elise fall off her bathroom stool and crack her head open, just in time to hear a huge thud from Gavin falling off the bed?

Morbid I know. But my mind can tend to go there.

So yeah, after the first day was over, I am happy (and even a little bit proud) to say,

everything went well.

I mean don't get me wrong, there were of course a few face plants, a finger shut in a dresser drawer (sorry elise), a wet bed, some digested wood chips and playdoh, and a floor covered in cream of wheat but that's all very typical...right? But outside of those things, there were a few small victories and sweet sweet moments that made the day so fun. Like when Sophia face planted for the third time and actually raised her hands in the air to me...ME! And when Gavin finally fell asleep tucked in my arms after finishing all 5 oz. of his formula. Love that. I'm looking forward to more sweet moments.

Eva Rae

2007-06-05T12:55:00.000-06:00

My grandma recently celebrated her 83rd birthday.

I didn't get to be with her on her birthday. This picture is from about a month ago when I was in the Chicago area for a wedding and went down to visit her for the day. Its hard to say what it is about Eva Rae that is so endearing. The best phrase I can use to describe her is to comment on her

"heart of gold".

She is a beautiful woman who has loved deeply in her life. This past year has been an especially difficult one for her as my grandpa passed away in February, her husband of nearly 60 years. The commitment and tenderness that she provided grandpa was something truly supernatural. I wish you could have seen the way that my grandpa used to brag about my grandma, calling her his bride and his honey up to the very last days of his life.

Eva Rae Dietrich's deepest loves in life are her family and her Father. In her younger years she was an incredibly gifted singer and pianist. She could still out-play and out-sing most who are reading this. She once recalled that as a young lady in her teens and twenties, parties were known as times to "swing and sway with Eva Rae".

It certainly has a ring to it:)

This Post is an opportunity for me to reflect on the sweet, caring, dynamic, beautiful person that she is. I will never forget at my grandpa's wake, as she greeted each person that walked in with such enthusiasm and sincerity reminiscing on old times with them. She is and has always been a vibrant and self-giving woman.

An inspiration.

I hope you get to meet her sometime.

therapy for the soul

2007-05-29T10:01:00.000-06:00

Well, once again, the posts are few and far between. So I guess I'm going to just stop apologizing about it and accept that Lindsey the student just doesn't mix well with Lindsey the blogger. But for now, I am only taking 5 credits and and working 16 hours so the enemy time appears to have lightened his oppressive hand if even for just a few moments.

The Meyers' just returned from a memorial day weekend of camping in the Spanish Peaks. We would like to consider the weekend a sort of marriage therapy...minus the therapy.

To Those Who Didn't Believe America was crazy

2007-03-08T18:48:00.000-07:00

With having so many friends involved internationally I've heard the insanity that exists in other countries. Whether it's two dozen time tables and fees required to get out of the country, or the absolute lack licensing laws for doctors and other professionals. Let this story be a testimony to the insanity that exists inside the state of the Union known as Colorado.

To obtain a driver's license. By Mark Meyers

It all started when for the first time in my entire life I permanently lost my wallet. It was at that fateful moment I lost my Illinois driver's license that would lead me down an indescribable path. A path of anger, pain, parents, humor and lots of money and time.

So after driving for a month without any license I decided it would be prudent to get a new one in case, God forbid, I was ever pulled over (plus I wanted to get a part-time job as a shuttle bus driver). So I did my research on the internet. What I found was that I needed my home state driving record. This led me the Illinois Secretary of State's website. I mailed in my signed request along with a $12 check.... and I waited.

$12

3 weeks later it arrives in the mail. "Typical for bureaucracy", I thought. I waited another week. I left early for work on Tuesday morning, pulled a number and waited. Once called up I turned over all relevant documents. After examining the driving record she pointed out to me that the record needed to be generated within 30 days. The record was printed 1/20/07 and the day was 2/23/07. I was 3 bloody days late! I needed a new one. They simply would not budge on this issue.

After calling the Illinois secretary of state's office I discovered a parent could get a driving record at an actual DMV site. My dad paid the appropriate fees, $12, and faxed to me.

$12+$12

I walked in Wednesday morning, pulled my number and waited. My number was called called, showed them my documents and was then informed that faxes are unacceptable. They needed the original. "You mean the original printed from the printer from 1988?! The 'original' that I could have typed up Word?!"
"Yes that one", they replied. Well a quick phone call to my dad and I had it priority mailed to me.

$4.05+$12+$12

Monday morning, fully armed and ready. "Suck it Colorado"... so I thought. I walked in and took my number and went through the well ingrained ritual. I showed them my documents.
"Wait, what's this? Is this birth certificate authentic."
"Well, it's the one used to get my social security card and passport. Plus the multi-colored stamp that says 'This multi-color stamp authenticates this birth certificate. Any birth certificate without a colored stamp is a copy'. So I would say that it's authentic."

::wait 2 minutes::

"This is a city birth certificate."
"Yeah, so."
"Well Colorado requires state or county certificate. Any city clerk could have signed off on this. This authentic birth certificate that was used to obtain your social security card and passport is invalid!"
"This was the one I was born with. Where else am I going to get one?!"
So after discussing the logistics of it with her and having my mom do some research with a social worker, my mom went to a Cook county court house, paid the appropriate fees and priority mailed it to me.

$4.05+$13+$4.05+$12+$12

Today: I walked in victoriously knowing that nothing can stand in my way between me and my licenses. I eagerly pulled a number and couldn't wait to shove all the documents in their faces and tell them "suck it" because I was getting my license. My number was called and I did just what I pictured, shoved the documents in their faces and told to "suck it". The man behind the desk had no choice but to give me the vision test and then my license. I stick my head in the machine and was told, "Read the first line"
"ZRHTP OECDQ"
"Ah sir, there are 15 letters"
"What do you mean?! There are only two columns of letters, the left column is just a column of dull yellow."
"No son, there's a whole column of letters on the left-hand side"
Convinced he was lying I pulled my head out and stuck it back in and focused like I've never focused before. I focused like I did when I was a little kid trying to catch the sexual innuendos in the Disney movies.
Nothing! Freaking nothing! I kept thinking my eyes would come into focus. So I gave myself five minutes. Still nothing. "FINE YOU WIN!" America's Best here I come, home of the free exam with two glasses for $69.

$69(plus taxes)+$4.05+$13+$4.05+$12+$12

Monday morning I will walk into the Colorado DMV and humble myself before them, cleanse my lips with a burning coal, bring an unblemished slaughtered kid, my corrected vision and the $16 fee and perhaps I will be deemed worthy enough for a Colorado license.

$16+$69(plus taxes)+$4.05+$13+$4.05+$12+$12= One legal driver and the new part-time shuttle bus drive for the Children's Hospital!

welcome back :)

2007-02-05T14:26:00.000-07:00

I realize that a lot of people (and by that I mean the 6 that were reading it…hi mom:) have probably given up on our blog. There were those few weeks after our last post that you checked in to see if anything new had been posted…nope. And after about a month and a half you probably just stopped checking. A small part of me experiences a certain kind of freedom in that realization. I could probably write almost anything and chances are no ones gonna read it for a very long time. A lot has happened over the past 5 months since I have stopped posting. Nothing monumental…just some growing pains, some funny stories, and some special moments. As I reflect on the pictures that rush to my mind, these are some key memories that emerge:

Making a coffee table with dad.
Lots of time in airports.
Snow.
Skiing with my new favorite ski buddy Shmem.
Mid-day chats with mom.
Sitting on the couch reading for hours upon hours.
Bears football.
Watching my sister live in a world that I remember so well, and making it her own.
Class.
Forming new friendships w/ Whitney, Nicole, Brent, Jen and others.
Resurging old friendships.
Snow.
Make-your-own-pizza night.
Loving Dallas (the girl not the city) even more than I already did.
Facebook.
Midterms and Finals.
Snow.
Being forced to redefine “home”.
Doing life in a very beautiful place.
Saying hello and goodbye to my grandpa for what felt like the last time.
Kenya, Uganda and Sudan.
Discovering that Rocky is so much more than a boxer with a low IQ.
Snow.
Being played the fool and forced to dig into a part of me that was uncharted territory.
J. Crew.
A new found phone date with Monica.
Learning a little more about what community is and what it takes.
Becoming more and more ok with myself.
Mark never ceasing to amaze me with his patience, humility, and kindness.

They’re just snapshots but they represent a life. A life that, by the grace of God, is being lived. I look 5 years ahead and the uncertainty is so scary. I look 5 months behind and I see the growth, the friends, and the experiences that I deeply long for but don’t even know how to pray for. And for that, in this moment, at this second, I am very thankful. Period.

ok, back to studying…

more pics

2006-11-04T10:09:00.000-07:00

Here's the other pics I was taking about...

the sissy and the mama!!

2006-11-03T09:02:00.000-07:00

My mom and little hottsie tots sister were here last week. Don't tell them I told you but I'm pretty sure that they fell in love with the state and will be moving out here shortly...Here's some pics from our time together...

our best angle in my opinion.

my favorite girls:) :)

I don't have a picture from one of the coolest sights of the whole time they were here. We were up in Estes Park one day and as we were driving we saw LITERALLY at least a hundred elk crossing through a small neighborhood. Now normally I don't do well with infestations of this magnitude but this time it was just plain incredible. I'm gonna try to get the pic from my mom that she took.

Mom and Steany Beany, I just can't explain how wonderful it was to see you both. I love and miss you so much. I will see you in two weeks!!

The Collective Sacrifice

2006-10-14T10:39:00.000-06:00

Isa 58:6-14 "Is this not the fast which I choose, To loosen the bonds of wickedness, To undo the bands of the yoke, And to let the oppressed go free And break every yoke?
Is it not to divide your bread with the hungry And bring the homeless poor into the house; When you see the naked, to cover him; And not to hide yourself from your own flesh? Then your light will break out like the dawn, And your recovery will speedily spring forth; And your righteousness will go before you; The glory of the LORD will be your rear guard. Then you will call, and the LORD will answer; You will cry, and He will say, 'Here I am.' If you remove the yoke from your midst, The pointing of the finger and speaking wickedness. And if you give yourself to the hungry And satisfy the desire of the afflicted, Then your light will rise in darkness And your gloom will become like midday. And the LORD will continually guide you, And satisfy your desire in scorched places, And give strength to your bones; And you will be like a watered garden, And like a spring of water whose waters do not fail. Those from among you will rebuild the ancient ruins; You will raise up the age-old foundations; And you will be called the repairer of the breach, The restorer of the streets in which to dwell. If because of the sabbath, you turn your foot From doing your own pleasure on My holy day, And call the sabbath a delight, the holy day of the LORD honorable, And honor it, desisting from your own ways, From seeking your own pleasure And speaking your own word, Then you will take delight in the LORD, And I will make you ride on the heights of the earth; And I will feed you with the heritage of Jacob your father, For the mouth of the LORD has spoken."

The Mile High Crew was sitting in Brent and Jon's apartment with our newly established Community Night this last week. Jon was sharing and asking for our thoughts on this passage. The more I thought about it, the more I came to the conclusion that this passage was talking about fasting as a collective sacrifice.

Let me elaborate more. Fasting is the giving up of a very necessary resource... food, life... bread. The thing that keeps our minds working properly, the thing that keeps our muscles from atropheeing. The substance that keeps us from becoming sick. I then thought about the statistics you hear in Sociology 101. How America possesses 1/10 of the world's population, yet we consume 50% of the world's energy (this may not be completely accurate, but the truth has the same thrust).

People tend to ask where God is when they see evil: oppression, hunger, marginalization. And people who would like to blame God (and I know have wanted to) would demand that we have more resources. But I sincerely believe that we have enough to go around. If we were to have more, the people who hoard now would have even more. Yet when do we look at ourselves in relation to this truth? Freedom and opression rely on a collective awareness and sacrifice. I really need to look at myself and my lifestyle right now.

I think one way Lindsey and I would want to be challenged is going dry for a period of time. When I think about the quantity of drinks we consume in a month is by no means extravigent or over-indulgant by the West's standards. But drinks (whether it be alcohol or soda) can be so expensive, all one has to do is turn around turn on the faucet and we're hydrated. How many people are oppressed and become ill because they can't do that. Yet we call it a sacrifice when that's our only choice we have at the moment.

I know this sounds cliche. But some problems that can get us so down, and pesimistic can be found by looking at ourselves. What about the collective sacrifice of going dry or skipping 6 meals a month? I'm sure the 100+ who've viewed our profile/ blog have the luxury of skipping out on a few things in order to fight for the freedom of the oppressed.

Save Darfur

2006-09-16T08:57:00.000-06:00

I think this is the first time we posted anything of this nature on here. This post is unfortunately very long overdue. In case there are readers that are unaware of the current situation in western Sudan, here is the 411. There are literally millions of displaced people who live in refugee camps in Darfur (western Sudan). They have been forced to move there for a multitude of reasons, one of them being that an Arab militia has been killing and demoralizing the people through raping the women and children and killing the men. The little physical support that is keeping the region semi-stable is because of the African Union peacekeeping force of 7,000. They are being made by the Sudanese government to leave at the end of the month. Please stand up for this under-publicized tragedy and urge our country to speak up in the UN; and lead the UN in bringing in UN peacekeepers into Darufr. Sign this petition below and seriously let everyone know.

http://action.ajws.org/campaign/UN

Also if you would like a clearer article about what is going on read this CNN article: http://www.cnn.com/2006/WORLD/africa/09/16/un.darfur.ap/index.html

Also if you would like to read the stories of an aid worker in Darfur click on the link: Scottpants. He's been in Darfur since this summer assisting however he can.

An end of an era

2006-09-11T16:50:00.000-06:00

On Sunday September 10, 2006 the Meyers had a beloved family member move on. Our dear friend Jon Watson moved from our cozy little apartment with his two new friends, Callie Carpenter and Emily Kreis. We had some great times living at 6409 S. Vinewood, and Jon will be greatly missed.

Jon isn't sad in this picture, the prissy boy was just pissed that he hadn't got to take a shower yet.

The Joys and Adventures of the Uninsured

2006-09-01T10:18:00.000-06:00

It was a magical Saturday afternoon. The smell roasting cumin, garlic and oregano were wafting through the air. The light sizzle and crackle of onions and mushrooms provided the perfect soundtrack to the magical chili that was being concocted. There I stood in the corner of our kitchen in between the stove and the crock pot. There I was chopping away at the fresh vegetables and then throwing them into the pot. Then suddenly my phone started blowin up with Snoopy... "Nutin but a G thang". It was our highly anticipated new roomy. He was in the parking lot.

We ran down to greet our road-weary traveler, Jon Wat-son. We helped with his few possessions up to our third floor home: 6409 S. Vinewood St in the quaint and slightly industrial yet affluent Littleton, Colorado. With joy and excitement we showed him our abode and his current residence. Then we gather in the kitchen to partake on some seasoned game hens.

In a frenzy of excitement Jon began to call his friends and family reported his safe journey. While Lindsey and I continued to partake in the game hens and imbibe on some sweetened lemon-ade. After our celebratory break I continued to prepare our delightful dish.

There I was ::chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop:: ::scoop ofarley:: ::chop chop chop chop chop:: ::thump:: ::clank::.

Lindsey: "DEAR MOTHER OF EVERYTHING GOOD AND HOLY... YOUR FOOT!!!!"

I looked down on my wounded appendage. There was a vibrant pool of red around my right foot. Behold, there was more and more and more and more and MORE blood. I fell to the floor. Not because of a loss of blood rather to elevate my foot above my heart. I grabbed the Bounty on the counter and made Lindsey apply pressure. Lindsey was delighted to the stand surrounded by blood while touching my bloody foot.

At about this point Jon peered over the breakfast bar/ counter and noted "wow, that's a lotta blood. I need to go." And thus he hung up the phone with Brent Mueller relieved Lindsey of her duties.

So the next step: to find a clinic and seek medical assistance... or so we thought. After calling several people unable to locate a clinic. Jon went in to inspect. To our joy and amazement a tiny 1/8" incision on the top of my foot from our Honeymoon bottle-opener which struck my foot.

Jon continued to put pressure on my foot while Lindsey sopped up the pools of blood on the tile floor. During that time I assured Jon that I was indeed not infected with Hep B or C and that I was in no way compromising his mission to avoid those strains of Hep.

After Lindsey mended my wound with a Batman band-aid. I elevated and iced my foot for the remainder of the day. The next day Jon and I climbed to Saint Mary's Glacier.

All three of us are still in utter astonishment on how much blood initially poured from my foot. Lindsey still gets queasy to this day to think about the blood. So in the meantime I have been eating my red meat to replenish my red blood cells.

We will have pictures in due time. We took pictures with a traditional camera and it was only the 2nd picture on that roll. Please continue to be checking for updates for the next several months as to not miss the pictures. I will also make link when I post the pictures.

Striving

2006-08-21T10:15:00.000-06:00

I think I heard almost all there is to hear about Christianity by the time I was like 20 years old. Don't get me wrong. I don't mean to say that I lived it, I had just heard it. I think that if at this point on in my life if I didn't learn one more new thing but instead just began to know with my heart the things that I have already learned, I would be 10 times the woman I am now.

The first "biblical concept" that I probably ever learned was God's unconditional, unrelenting, and pure love for me. But for an individual who has never performed those three adjectives in their rawest and truest form once in her life, its really hard to wrap an understanding around that love of God's.

I just finished reading "searching for God Know's What" by Donald Miller. He talks about how he thinks the thing that defines human personalities is that we are constantly comparing ourselves to one another. Ha. Now a few people that know me well, would know that I would strongly agree with this statement. He talks about how before the fall, our one and only source of rich and fulfilling love came from our Creator. But then came the betrayal. And that direct source was broken. When we turned our backs on God the way an adulterous spouse turns his/her back on their one true lover, we lost that perfect line of communication. And for the rest of history we have been trying to restore this Perfect Source of Love. So we find it in any source we can. And the easiest way is to prove to ourselves and the world how deserving we are of love. So we place a number value on everything we say and think and do, and on everything everyone else says and thinks and does. And then we strive. We strive and strive to improve our worthiness of love and value. So then when someone cuts us off on the highway, we get really pissed off because they just implied that they have more value than us. Or when someone owns up on us in basketball we either get frustrated at our shortcomings or rationalize in our mind something that we can do better than our competitor and then we feel better about ourselves again.

Its a tiring game isn't it? And yet, before us, is this source of perfect and fulfilling love that can bring the game to an end. Hmmm...this is where my thoughts and prayers continue to go. How do I finally know and experience that Perfect Source of Love? Because only at that point can I minister purely and wholy to my neighbor.

Donald points out the Disciples. They saw and experienced the righteous love of Christ, in His eyes, His words, His embraces. And many of them, because of knowing and experiencing that love, were able to go on to die for Him. Why? Because of their belief that He really existed? No. Because it made them feel better than the guy persecuting them? No. Because they knew His love. First-hand.

Hmm, the day my eyes are opened to His love in its fullness, is gonna be a good day.

So anyways, those are just a few of the thoughts from the book and that have been rolling around in my head. The book was a good one. Especially the last chapter. And just in case Donald Miller happens to fall across this blogspot (fat chance): Thanks for your thoughts Mr. Miller.

2006-08-18T16:59:00.000-06:00

Lindsey's newest place of employment.

our new home

2006-08-16T18:42:00.000-06:00

Our good friends Dave and Caroline spent the week out here Aug. 7-14. What a phenomenal week. Here's the week in pics

These first two pics were from a hike we took the first day. While hiking, we ran into a snake on the path. Just as Marky assured us that this was in fact NOT venemous, the little critter started to rattle its tail assuring that it in fact WAS venemous. After we all soiled ourselves, Mark and Dave gathered rocks and sticks in an attempt to startle the snake (well aware that we had a 50/50 chance that the rocks would just piss the snake off and send it slithering our way). But when we got back to the snake siting-location, it was gone.

Red Rocks Ampitheater

The Garden of the Gods

More from "The Garden"

Our first CD cover

And one more from The Garden

2006-08-16T18:24:00.000-06:00

The Chipmunk Whisperer himself. In Estes Park.

This pic was taken at the Manitou Cliff Dwellings. After our visit there, we have determined our new calling in life to consist of letting everyone we meet know what a CROCK these were. After a little research online, we came to discover that they were totally fake...which was what we all suspected when they were trying to tell us that the paintings on the walls in the cliff dwellings were authentic from 1100 AD. Save your $9.25 and spend more time at the Garden of the Gods, which was free.

gorgeous sunrise in Estes Park

Rocky Mountain National Park

2006-08-16T17:56:00.000-06:00

On Friday night we went to an outdoor Matt Costa concert. Caroline and Dave love his music and introduced us to him. He's kinda Jack Johnson meets the Beetles. Check him out! Marky swore that Matt was checking him out all evening...maybe he was right judging from this pic that Marky took.

On Saturday we checked out a local winery. They let us taste every wine they produced there, which was 15! It was a blast, except for our dear little Caroline who tasted her way into a drunken stooper:)

A mama and baby moose at Rocky Mountain National Park.

Elk are hella huge.

Dave and Caroline-
What an incredible week! Marky and I can't express what a blast we had. God bless with school starting. Keep us updated when you pick a wedding date!!

Thank you

2006-08-09T09:53:00.000-06:00

We just wanted to say thank you to the many who were so thoughtful and loving in their goodbyes as we prepared to leave Chicago. Thanks for taking a sincere interest in our lives. For helping us move. for generous gifts and thoughtful notes. For whatever kind gesture you showed, thank you. We have so much gratitude. We will miss (and are already missing) many of you. So come visit soon! We've got this spare bedroom that is just begging to be used!!

998 miles later

2006-08-06T15:53:00.000-06:00

Lest you think that they don't have blogspot in CO, I assure you they do. Sorry its been awhile! Life got a wee bit hectic those couple weeks before the big move. So I assumed once we got here, we'd be on a campus so I'd have no problem getting internet. Well, alas, turns out, as a new student, I'm not in the system still for at least another week. But I found a Panera with wi-fi so all is well again:) So yeah! We're here! After fifteen and a half hours in the car, we arrived!
Since then (not a comprehensive list)...
Marky and our dear new neighbor moved all our stuff into our 3rd floor apt while I cheered them on and placed the boxes in the rooms they were supposed to go.
Had lunch with Marky's grandpa.
Visited Emily (Hamman) Kage and her family on Kage family reunion where we played a whole lot of Apples to Apples. Who knew there was strategy in that Apples to Apples? Well, when you play with the Kage family, there is.
Went for a couple of hikes.
Had a great time in the presence of my dear friend Hamlee.
I unpacked and decorated the apt...truly in my element:)
Marky worked three night shifts (8pm-4am) for a Temp Agency doing stocking.
Went for a couple scenic bikerides.
I continued to unpack and decorate.
Saw "Taladega Nights: The Story of Ricky Bobby" -hilarious-
Drove around and explored our new home!! (away from home of course mom:)

That's it for now...More to come soon.

Last day at CareNet

2006-07-07T10:12:00.000-06:00

Today was my last day of work at CareNet Pregnancy Services of DuPage. It was more emotional than I thought it would be. And in honor of the people that work there and the work God is doing there, allow me a few words. Crisis Pregnancy Centers (CPCs)can often be given a bad rap. They have been accused of being an unprofessional bunch of Bible-toting Republicans who strap women down to chairs forcing them to watch graphic abortion videos with the sole goal of saving the baby at the expense of the woman's dignity.

Now, I can't speak for all CPCs's but I can tell you that there couldn't be anything farther from the truth at the organization that I was a part of for the past two years. The ministry at CareNet of DuPage is not about political activism or about just saving babies with no thought of the woman. The individuals that I worked with day in and day out, are motivated by the heart Christ has given them for the women that enter the doors of the center and the beautiful unborn little lives inside them. The goal of every staff and volunteer is to give women a place to come and, regardless of their situation, feel loved, cared-for and of worth. And I can say with confidence, that is exactly what the center does. It has nothing to do with being a republican or a democrat. It has nothing to do with guilt and shame. It is motivated by a passion for LIFE. Physical life for the child and emotional and spiritual life for the mother. Each individual attempts the heavy and exhausting task of empowering these women through giving them knowledge based on truth and through displaying to them, through the power of the Holy Spirit, that they are worth our time, our care, our prayers, and our phone calls.

I must say, I could not be more honored to have worked with women with such sincere and authentically deep hearts for Christ and for the things that break His heart. I love you Emily, Kelly, Heidi, Barb, Whitney, Judy, Luna, Donna, Becky, Diane, Sharon, Sarah, Gentry, Annie, Nicole and Wendell and my life will forever be changed for the better because I have crossed each one of your paths. God bless.

And in honor of my time at CareNet, I'd like to share this story that I read in a newsletter just earlier today. It is powerful. Please put aside any cynicism and skepticism that you may have and read this story, in its entirity, for what it is.

Story written by the Assistant Minority Leader in the Colorado House of Representatives, Ted Harvey:

I want to share with you an awesome experience I recently had in the Colorado House of Representatives. It is a humbling experience to look back and realize that God used me to play a role in His divine orchestration.

As I was leaving the House chambers for the weekend when our Democrat Speaker of the House mentioned that the coming Monday would be the final day of this year's General Assembly. He went on to state that there were still numerous resolutions on the calendar which we would need to be addressed prior to the summer adjournment. Interestingly, he specifically mentioned that one of the resolutions we would be hearing was being carried by the House Majority Leader Alice Madden, honoring the 90th anniversary of Planned Parenthood of the Rocky Mountains.

As a strong pro-life legislator I was disgusted by the idea that we would pass a resolution honoring this 90 year legacy of genocide. I drove home that night wondering what I could say that might pierce the darkness during the debate on this heinous resolution.

On Saturday morning I took my eight-year-old son up to the mountains to go white water rafting. The trip lasted all day. As we were driving home, exhausted and hungry, I remembered that I had accepted an invitation to attend a fundraising dinner that night for a local pro-life organization. One of my most respected mentors had personally called me several weeks earlier and asked me to attend, so I knew I'd have to clean up and head over.

After our meal, the executive director of the organization introduced the keynote speaker. I looked up and saw walking to the stage a handicapped young lady being assisted to the microphone by a young man holding a guitar. Her name was Gianna Jessen.

Gianna said "Hello," welcomed everyone, and then sang three of the most beautiful Christian songs that I have ever heard. She then began to give her testimony. When her biological mother was 17 years old and 7 ½ months pregnant she went to a Planned Parenthood clinic to have an abortion. As God would have it, the abortion failed and a beautiful two-pound baby girl was brought into the world. Unfortunately, she was born with cerebral palsy and the doctors thought that she would never survive. The doctors were wrong.

Imagine the timing! A survivor of a Planned Parenthood abortion arrived in town just days before the Colorado House of Representatives was to celebrate Planned Parenthood's "wonderful" work. As I listened to Gianna's amazing testimony the Lord inspired me to ask her if she could stay in Denver until Monday morning so that I could introduce her on the floor of the House and tell her story. Perhaps she could even begin the final day's session by singing our country's National Anthem!

To my surprise she said she would seriously consider it. If she were to agree, she wanted her accompanying guitar player to stay as well. A lady standing in line behind me waiting to meet Gianna overheard our conversation and said that she would be willing to pay for the guitarist's room. Gianna then said that she would think about it. As I was driving home from the banquet my cell phone rang. It was Gianna and she immediately said, "I'm in, let's ruin this celebration." Praise God!

When Monday morning came, I awoke at 6:00 to write my speech before heading to the Capitol. As I wrote down the words I could sense God's help and I knew that this was going to be a powerful moment for the pro-life movement.

Following a committee hearing, I rushed into the House Chambers just as the opening morning prayer was about to be given. Between the prayer and the pledge of allegiance I wrote a quick note to the Speaker of the House explaining that Gianna is an advocate for cerebral palsy. I took the note to the Speaker and asked if I could have my friend open the last day of session by singing the national anthem. Without any hesitation the Speaker took the microphone and said, "Before we begin, Representative Harvey has made available for us Gianna Jessen to sing the National Anthem."

Gianna sang the most amazing rendition of the Star Spangled Banner that you could possibly imagine. Every person in the entire chamber was completely still, quiet, and in awe of this frail young lady's voice. Due to her cerebral palsy, Gianna often loses her balance, and shortly after starting to sing she grabbed my arm to stabilize herself, and I could tell that she was shaking. Suddenly, midway through the song, she forgot the words and began to hum and said, "Please forgive me I am so nervous." She then immediately began singing again and every House member and every guest throughout the chambers began to sing along with her to give her encouragement and lift her up. As I looked around the huge hall I listened to the unbelievable melody of Gianna's voice being accompanied by a choir of over 100 voices. I had chills running all over my body and I knew that I had just witnessed an act of God.

As the song concluded the Speaker of the House explained that Gianna has cerebral palsy and is an activist to bring awareness to the disease. "Let us give her a hand not only for her performance today but also for her advocacy work," he said. The chamber immediately exploded into applause. She had them all in the palm of her hand.

The Speaker then called the House to order and we proceeded as usual to allow members to make any announcements or introductions of guests. For dramatic effect, I waited until I was the last person remaining before I introduced Gianna.

As I waited for my turn, I nervously paced back and forth praying to God that he would give me the peace, confidence and the courage necessary to pull off what I knew would be one of the most dramatic and controversial moments of my political career.

While I waited, a prominent reporter from one of the major Denver newspapers walked over to Gianna and told her that her rendition captured the spirit of the national anthem more powerfully than any she had ever heard before.

Finally, I was the last person remaining, so I proceeded to the microphone and began my speech: "Members, I would like to introduce you to a new friend and hero of mine -her name is Gianna Jessen. She is visiting us today from Nashville, Tennessee where she is an accomplished recording artist. She has cerebral palsy and was raised in foster homes before being adopted at the age of four. She was born prematurely and weighed only two pounds at birth. She remained in the hospital for almost three months. A doctor once said she had a great will to live and that she fought for her life. Eventually she was able to leave the hospital and be placed in foster care. Because of her cerebral palsy her foster mother was told that it was doubtful that she would ever crawl or walk. She could not sit up independently. Through the prayers and dedication of her foster mother, she eventually learned to sit up, crawl, then stand. Shortly before her fourth birthday she began to walk with leg braces and a walker. She continued in physical therapy and after a total of four surgeries, she was able to walk without assistance. She still falls sometimes, but she says she has learned how to fall gracefully after falling for 29 years.

Two years ago she walked into a local health club and said she wanted a private trainer. At the time her legs could not lift 30 pounds. Today she can leg press 200 pounds. She became so physically fit that she began running marathons to raise money and awareness for cerebral palsy. She just returned last week from England where she ran in the London Marathon. It took her over 8 ½ hrs to complete. They were taking down the course by the time she made it to the finish line. But she made it none the less. With bloody feet and aching joints she finished the race. Members would you help me recognize a modern day hero, Gianna Jessen?"

At this point the chamber exploded into applause which lasted for 15 to 20 seconds. Gianna had touched their souls. Ironically, Alice Madden the Majority Leader and sponsor of the Planned Parenthood Resolution walked over to Gianna and gave her a hug. As the applause began to die down I raised my hand to be recognized one more time.

"Mr. Speaker, members, if you would allow me just a few more moments I would appreciate your time. My name is Ted Harvey not Paul Harvey but please let me tell you the rest of the story."

"The cause of Gianna's cerebral palsy is not because of some biological freak of nature, but rather the choice of her mother. You see when her biological mother was 17 years old and 7 ½ months pregnant she went to a Planned Parenthood clinic to seek a late term abortion. The abortionist performed a saline abortion on this 17-year-old girl. This procedure requires the injection of a high concentration of saline into the mother's womb which the fetus is then bathed in and swallows which results in the fetus being burned to death, inside and out. Within 24 hrs the results are normally an induced still-born abortion. As Gianna can testify the procedure is not always 100% effective. Gianna is an aborted late term fetus that was born alive. The high concentration of saline in the womb for 24 hrs resulted in a lack of oxygen to her brain and is the cause of her cerebral palsy. Members, today we are going to recognize the 90th anniversary of Rocky Mountain Planned Parenthood,"

BANG! The gavel came down, just as I was finishing the last sentence of my speech. The climax of the morning, the Speaker of the House gaveled me down and said, "Representative Harvey, I will allow you to continue your introduction but not for the purposes of debating a measure now pending before the House." At which point I said, "Mr. Speaker I understand, I just wanted to put a face to what we are celebrating today".

Silence. Deafening silence. I then walked back to my chair shaking like a leaf. The Democrats wouldn't look at me. They were fuming. It was beautiful.

I have been in the legislature for five tough years and this made it all worthwhile.

The House Majority Leader wouldn't talk to me the rest of the day. Was it because I introduced an abortion survivor, or was it because we touched her soul? She could hug an inspirational cerebral palsy victim and advocate, but was outraged when she discovered that the person she hugged was also an abortion survivor.

The headline in the Denver Post the next day read Abortion Jab Earns Rebuke." The Majority Leader is quoted as saying "I think it was amazingly rude to use a human being as an example of his personal politics,"

Yes Representative Madden, Gianna Jessen is a human being. She was when she was in her mother’s womb and she was when she sang the National Anthem on the Floor of the Colorado House of Representatives.

The paper went on to quote Gianna Jessen, stating she was glad Harvey told her story. "We need to discuss the humanity of it. I'm glad to be able to speak up for children in the womb," she said. "If abortion is about women's rights, where were my rights?"

Leslie Hanks, one of the matriarchs of the pro-life movement in Colorado, was in the House Chamber that morning and told me that it was the single greatest moment she had witnessed in the State Legislature in the 20 years that she'd been lobbying in the Capitol.

All I can say is, "Glory to God!" He orchestrated it all, every minute of it, and I was so honored to have been chosen to play a part.

May we all continue to be filled with and to fight for the passion of our Lord Jesus Christ!

In His service,
Ted Harvey
Assistant Minority Leader, Colorado House of Representatives

Sorry Jack...no, the other one

2006-06-21T13:10:00.000-06:00

If you would have asked me a month ago what was the greatest TV show to ever be viewed by the human eye, I would have started telling you about these people that were in this plane crash and ended up on this island in the middle of no where...and there's this hatch...and these numbers...and polar bears...

But the thing is, that was before I was introduced to the crazy freakin' hard-A that IS Jack Bauer. Yes Jack Shepherd, I remember how you pounded on Charlie's chest like a maniac until he started breathing again and I am well aware of the surgery you performed on your future wife so that she could dance at her wedding. And don't get me wrong, that's awesome. Like really really good. BUT have you ever cut off your partners hand for the purpose of saving your country from a biological terrorist attack? Or have you ever become addicted to herroin just to get close to a major drug lord for the purpose of...again...saving your country? Or how 'bout this one Shepherd, ever had to shoot your boss in the head for the purpose of...yep you guessed it...securing the safety of your country? See Shepherd its not that you're not cool, its just that this Bauer dude is caraaazy! And when I say crazy, I mean totally LOCO!! So no hard feelings Jack??

Can ya tell I'm pumped about the prospect of beginning season four of "24" tonite?

742 sq. ft.

2006-06-15T10:19:00.000-06:00

As we packed up the final box and finished painting the final trim back to a shade of “I-couldn’t-be-more-dull” off white in our quaint 742 sq. ft. home, I realized that the inspiration for the name of this blogspot is being said goodbye to also. You see, between the kitchen, dining room, family room and bathroom, the only window to the outside world in our apartment was the sliding glass door in the family room. Throughout our first year of marriage, Marky and I have sat on our couch that faces that sliding glass door and had God-himself-only-knows-how-many conversations…about what to do for dinner, what movie to rent, how WE would deal with various world issues, what to do with the rest of our lives, our relationship with each other, our relationship with friends, our faith, what we want to name our children some day, our budget (stupid money), and on and on and on. In that room, in front of that door, so much of the friendship that will carry us through whatever life hands us, was continuing to be formed. And so we started this blog, as an opportunity for us to document for ourselves just a few of those thoughts, conversations, dreams, and anxieties that we have had.

That sliding glass door was the window to the huge ugly beautiful world beyond our own little 742 sq. ft. cocoon. But its more than a window you see…it’s a door. A window is used to look at the rest of the world. A door is opened, and gives you the opportunity to leave behind safety and venture into this journey known as “life”. It is a metaphor that I have come to adopt for Marky and my relationship. Within our relationship I desire contentment (its funny to desire contentment isn’t it?), encouragement, love, comfort, peace…but always aware of the world beyond “us” and never hesitating to enter it, to live in it, to live passionately. As we look forward to the new adventure that is before us as we move to CO in a month and a half, we are excited about the opportunities to meet and love new people. May you (the reader) and I live faithfully and with confidence as we live the calling of showing each other where to find perfect and rich hope and joy in this life.

an ode to the messiness

2006-06-09T09:24:00.000-06:00

The other day I was in the car driving from my office to a church to help out at the nursery for one of CareNet's ministries. I was eating a four cheese lean pocket that I had just nuked in the microwave for 2 minutes. I burned my hand on it because I tried to take it out of its little sleeve too fast and then I wrapped it in a paper towel to take with me in the car. The cheese was falling out all over the paper towel and I swore in my head (but not out loud of course) because I had just scorched my tongue on my overheated mushy dinner. I couldn’t help but start laughing to myself remembering how I had once determined for myself that once I was living on my own I would eat all these healthy meals, stock tons of fresh fruits and veggies in my freezer and easily get the 9-11 suggested servings a day. Isn’t that so classic though? Life is just plain messy. I always have these great plans for myself. “Once a little time passes, I will have my life in order.” Friends will be easy to keep in touch with, working out will be no problem to fit into my daily routine, my schedule will slow down…and there will be world peace. And then the older I get, a ripe old 24 (on the brink of being too old to apply for ANTM…I should probably get on that), the more I realize that a “life in order” is nothing more than a mirage. And I can say that (for the most part) I am glad that it’s the truth. The messy moments of life, the unexplainable events, the inconvenient twists and turns, taking care of aging parents right after all the kids move out, the oopsie babies (don’t worry this is not an attempt at some grand scheme to announce anything), the homeless guy hanging out in the posh strip mall, the family argument that interrupts Thanksgiving dinner, always reminds me that life is so much bigger than me and that I am not the one in control. No question it can be scary and the reason that I said I am glad of that truth “for the most part” is because of the many unexpected situations I have heard of and read about where there is very little beauty to be found and the messiness can leave me paralyzed and dumbfounded. But to my even greater amazement, there are stories of joy and redemption within the unexplicable pain and suffering. And I am reminded that there is a good GOOD God who is still at work and He is taking the messiness and the ugliness and creating beauty and wholeness slowly but surely, as only a Holy and Righteous God could. I remember a quote that my friend Kim Lura had on like a notebook or something in college and it said something like, "If God was small enough to be understood, He wouldn't be big enough to be worshipped." That's pretty cool.

what's to come...

2006-06-05T09:58:00.000-06:00

This weekend, my good friend Monica (who is working in Peru with an organization called “Word Made Flesh”) was in town, so naturally, the whole “crew” was in town to see her. There’s just something about those girls. I laugh so hard. I’m funnier. I feel so deeply. When we’ve all been apart for awhile, I can tend to forget just how much they mean in my life and I’m able to function well without them near. But then a weekend like this one comes along and the dull aching in my stomach resumes. Realizing how much they are missed as an everyday anyday typical part of my life. After they leave I suffer from what I will fondly call PFTD—Post-friend-time-depression. My gracious and loving husband has learned how to “deal” with me during these times through trial and error. He listens to me, buys me Starbucks, and then listens some more. Then usually by the third day the acute symptoms have subsided and I’m functioning at 90% normality.

However, in light of the current events that have been going on with some families from Taylor, I think my case of PFTD was especially severe. I am thinking of the Van Ryn’s who, in all of their God-given strength and trust are looking forward to and hoping for the day when they will be reunited with their daughter and sister. And I am thinking of the Cerak’s who, after thinking their daughter was buried and gone, have been reunited with their “resurrected” daughter. But, in reality, no earthly reunion can be a whole and complete reunion until the day that we are reunited on the other side of this earth within the perfect and complete Body of Christ. When there will be no physical pain, no emotional scars.

I think of the aching that I feel for the girls that were in this weekend who mean so much to me and the many many others of whom I miss the day-to-day memories and moments that fill my life with joy. People who have shaped, formed, and enriched my life. The aching begins. And then I realize, the aching I feel is not because of what I can not have, it is because it is what’s to come.

Confessions of an addict

2006-05-24T15:36:00.000-06:00

So, for those of you who know me well, there are few things in life that get me as fired up as a)the objectification of women and b)woman acting like idiots to encourage the objectification of women. So tell me, why then, this being a wednesday afternoon, am I experiencing this sick and pathetic emptiness within due to the fact that, for the first time in 12 weeks, there will not be a new episode of ANTM this week?...Or for those of you who are less modern day television literate: America's Next Top Model. Normally, right about now, I would be on the website analyzing and determining who I think Tyra, in all her unquestionable wisdom and grace, will deem unworthy to claim the much coveted title tonight. But not this week. There will be no fierce beauty, no fabulous strut, and no fresh personality. Instead, I am making known on a public website my obsession with a show that is unarguably on some pious guy's list of "Top 5 most shallow and brain rotting reality TV shows." There is a good chance I may regret this decision. But you know what I have to say to you, pious guy?!...Joanie totally should have kicked Danielle's butt.

A weekend with "The Littles"? priceless.

2006-03-29T08:42:00.000-07:00

The Littles
+
6 hours of talking (consecutively)
+
2 movies
+
one pull out couch
+
a bottle of wine
+
countless number of Shmem's one and only chocolate chip cookies
+
3 bean burritos
+
a rabbit the size of a coyote
+
1 conversation with our dear Peruvian friend
__________________________________________
the perfect weekend

Thank you girls for a spectacular weekend...pictures to come...

The Batman Theology

2006-03-27T09:01:00.000-07:00

After watching Batman Begins the other night for the third or fourth time, I've started to form a bit of a theology from it. The movie talks a lot about fear. The movie tells us, "We're always afraid of what we do not understand." It talks about embracing our fears, allowing our fears to make us stronger. I began to reflect on the fears present in my own life that paralyze me from being more, from trusting deeper, from loving without inhibitions. And the thought flashed into my mind...What if, instead of distracting myself from my fears with other thoughts and activities, I just let the fear in? I let the fear cloud my senses, let the terror consume. What if instead of fighting these fears with friends and personal affirmation, I just let it overtake me? Where would I find myself if I let the cold hands of fear place their tight grip around my frail neck? Would God's grace truly match and exceed the depth and isolation of the fear? As I continued to meditate, I realized it was not the actual scary thought or scenario that I was afraid of, it was the fear that Christ's love and goodness couldn't reach that far. Would He be sufficient to protect me? In that moment where there was nothing but the terror of my own ability to fail staring into the most real part of me, would Christ's victory stand firmer? There is no such thing as fear in the life of a lover of Christ for He holds all fear. It is His insufficiency that we really fear. And to that He proclaims, "I AM".

Linds

Context

2006-03-05T09:21:00.000-07:00

Well, here we are three months later and still no more posts. We're deciding to do something about this, we're going to make a difference in the world. We are going to start posting more. I decided that before I start any rants or babblings about our own confusion (notice the first person possessive plural). I will give you all a context for our world right now. Right now our world consists of: Carenet Pregnancy Services, Moody, Starbucks, Wheaton Bible Church, our families, Kona, Community nite (communitynite.blogspot.com), and Denver!

Lindsey's working as the Abstinance Coordinator for Carenet, and she does some crisis peer counseling. She is also a solo Core group (Bible Study) leader for freshmen girls and she's liking it a lot. Lindsey has also been accepted in Denver Seminary's MA of Counseling program! My sweet ticket to the mountains and the West! Holla! So we got that going for us. We're both very excited about the program and the location.

I am currently working at one of the world's biggest corporations and am starting spite it. Ok spite is a strong word, but I'm finally starting to think about the role it plays in hyper-capitalism. So I'm trying to do something about that... getting another job that is. I've been plugging away at my Moody class (Senior Seminar only on Monday's and Friday's). I also have an internship with the Senior High at Wheaton Bible Church, which is going fairly well. I will be giving a message to the junior high group on April 23rd on Samson. Yes! I love doing Old Testament narrative versus epistle. So I've been spending time over there and making sure I can finish up on time, which I am desperately looking forward to.

Well here's an extremely brief summary of our lives since that fateful day, June 19th, 2005:

We went to Hawaii on a cruis for our Honeymoon, awesome!
We adopted a black lab/ chow mix from humane society, we named her Kona... boy what did we get ourselves into!
Marky switches to Starbucks 300 yards away from home... sweet!
We find out we live in a non-pet building (not stated during signing of the lease), $500... BOOO!
Lindsey and I have our first Christmas together... awww.
Marky starts spring semester.
Lindsey applys to Denver Seminary.
We visit a friend at Den Sem with Callie... awesome trip!
Lindsey gets accepted... YEAH!
Lindsey and Marky manage to watch the whole first season of Lost and get caught up in the second season via ABC.com in a matter of two weeks... Yikes!
Lindsey and Marky are still looking for a home for our pooch.

Glad to be here

2005-12-01T23:43:00.000-07:00

I've often found that life sounds a lot more interesting written on a page or typed on a screen, so here is our attempt on increasing the dynamic fascination of our daily walk together now called "our life"!...we'll see how it goes...